Tuesday, April 11, 2006


I had this dream last night that I was back in high school, and this stressed me out. I always used to feel that anyone who talked to me had an ulterior motive. Like they wanted something, or they were just talking to me to see what stupid things I would say.

So anyway the dream was basically about these two girls who spent my whole dream trying to kick me out of this like treasure hunt thing so another girl could be in it instead. And this really hurt because in my dream I thought they were my friends. So I was going to beat them up. Which is funny, cause I'm not a fighter.

I woke up this morning full of all the old self doubt I felt all through high school. I've been questioning everyone's actions toward me all day, and even going so far as to doubt people's previous actions from weeks even months ago. I hate feeling like this. I just wish I was more self confident, without having to pretend that I was.

Enough of my whining...

I had another dream shortly after this that just proves I read too many magazines about celebrities. I dreamt that I was somewhere surrounded by all sorts of celebrities, like George Clooney and Brad Pitt. I dreamt that Brad was really drunk and he needed to get away from where we were because of all the paparazzi and he didn't want people to see him that drunk. So I took him to a hotel and took care of him all night. The next morning Angelina came there and was really pissed off because she thought I had slept with Brad. We explained what had happened and she was grateful for my help. She asked if there was anything she could do to repay my kindness. I told her she could introduce me to Colin Farrell, because I am in love with him. She looked at me and told me she was sorry, but Colin was secretly marrying Kate Moss, and that I should move on.

That was my other dream. I woke up pissed off at Kate Moss. I don't think I enjoy my dreams anymore. They are shattering my confidence and taking all hope away from me. I think I will just quit sleeping before midnight. Cause when I do I just have bad, mean dreams.

On another topic of dreams, I found my dream house. It is 4yrs old and in our price range. It has 1 acre of property within town and a creek in the yard. Unfortunately there is an accepted offer on it. We find out on the 13th if the deal falls through or works out. So I am hoping that it falls through, otherwise Adams fallen in love with a double wide trailer on a foundation. Seriously, I shit you not. For 4 thousand dollars cheaper than the new house. WTF. Anyway, lets all hope for the new house for me, because I really don't want to live in a trailer.

Also I got my clothes from Victoria's Secret, and I was soo happy and dreamy and loved them. Until Adam criticized every piece of clothing I got. Bastard. Ruined my shopping high.

(See how I did that? With the title being dreams and every paragraph being about dreams of some sort? Aren't I clever? No? Well, Whatever.)

(See, with the self doubt and shit?)


  1. Why do you self doubt Cindy? What is your biggest fear? If you continue to move forward with your head looking behind you your going to miss everything you are walking by.....Get it. By living in the past (which is time you will never get back, no matter how hard you try) you miss everything happening in the now. Your goals and dreams are put aside so you can dwell on shit that you no longer have control over. So deal with the now, and realize no matter what you do you can't change how others feel about you, you can only continue to do the things that make you the person you are. You can't be that bad if you have a husband and family who love you. It's time you love yourself piss face. So do something nice for yourself. Stop building stories within your head, each time you find yourself trailing off on "what might be" (unless setting a goal) pull yourself back to what is and what you have control over in the moment. Hey what would have happened had you stayed with Yoner like you originally wanted....You would be a riggers weekend girlfriend...Yeah. Not all that happens is bad. It is the ability to accept what you have....

  2. Now let me see this house. What is your realstate or however you spell that word, so I can look it up on the old internet....

  3. go to mls.ca and the mls # is 115925. The trailer is for sale by owner, so you won't find it anywhere. Unfortunately, there are no inside pictures of the house, but all appliances are stainless steel, there is an ensuite off the master... anyway let me know what you think.

  4. By the way, nice on going all counsellor and shit on me there. Yeah I know you're right, but sometimes I just can't help it.

  5. I dont know what to say as a comment. Im feeling all sick and stuff. My head feels like some one is trying to break open into it and let out all this water. And my feet are sensitive. I was sitting in English class and I would twitch or well looking like I was convulsing because it would send sharp pain up to my ass and legs. My skin feels like a sunburn and my cats are scratching the shit out of it. When dont you work this week?

  6. Sarah7:49 AM

    Looks pretty cool to me...There's not alot to look at around there. What about one of those 500,000 beauties. Wouldn't that be nice. I'd never be able to furnish the damn thing, and could you imagine losing your keys!!! Ha ha I forgot you once lived in a larger home..so how did you find your keys?

  7. I always kept mine in my purse, but then there's the thing that my purses were huge... or we left the doors unlocked quite often. Sometimes I had to wake someone up to let me in if I couldn't find my keys.