Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Fire/ Moonyass Incident

Okay, so I gather that everone is getting bored with my stories from Saskatchewan. So this will be my last. Cause these are really the only two that are SUPER funny. I have put them together because they happened on the same night to the same person. And of course that person is my husband.

So again, they had been drinking for like three days straight, all day. We are all just sitting around the fire talking about how cool our $400 dollars worth of fireworks were.

Next thing I know, he starts swaying on his feet and kinda nosedives into Zak's crotchal area, Zak pushes him away and he goes falling backwards into the fire.

And kinda just lays there. Looking around. He has the look on his face of a little kid who has fallen and doesn't know how to react wether to cry or to get up and run away continuing to play.

Anyway, he starts like yelling, "Get me out, get me out!" Zak decides to try and pull him out but looks like he is about to fall in after him. So my mom runs to the rescue and safely pulls him out.

All he got was a slight burn on the side of his hand. Of course he can't feel it because he's so drunk. Which I guess is a good thing.

So shortly after this I decide I've had enough "excitement" and head to bed so I can get a good night's sleep, before he comes into the trailer and ruins my sleep. Unfortunately he decides he should sleep too, so comes in about five minutes after me.

Which I guess was fine, he passed out rather quickly.

Problems started a couple hours later when he woke up, and I could tell he had to pee.

I could tell because he pulled his pants down, but then passed out again with his butt (bare) up in the air. Being the good wife that I am, I try to pull his pants up, hoping he will just sleep through the night.

No such luck. He starts thrashing around again, and kicks my pillow off the bed. So, I sit up and move out of his way. He lumbers off the bed and starts trying to undo his shorts again. So I start repeating his name gradually louder and louder each time, to no avail. I was really worried about getting his attention because he was aimed at my clothes.

So I hit his arm and screamed "ASS!"

"What ta fuck do youuuuu want?" He yells back

"what are you doing?"

"I haff ta pee." And continues with his pants.

"well, maybe you should go to the BATHROOM then." He storms outside. And I think pees on the keg. He starts screaming for the dogs, because he thinks they are outside. I'm worried that he's gonna wake everyone up, so I tell him to shut the fuck up, the dogs are already in the camper.

He doesn't believe me and continues to yell for the dogs. So Jenny decides to get up and see what his problem is. She trots out of the camper (past him) and he sees her standing over by the fire pit.

"Come on Jemy, lees go ta bed. I told you see wasss ouside"

I shake my head, and lead them back to bed. I spent a really uncomfortable night squished between him, Jenny and the wall.

It was really fun telling him what he did that night. And he wouldn't have believed me except my mom heard him outside yelling for the dogs, so I had collaboration.

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