Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Merry Christmas!

Well this will be my final post for the year. I am leaving tomorrow for Saskatchewan and probably wont be back until the new year.

I finally had to remove my belly ring. It was starting to catch on everything and was infected because of that. Eeew, I know. I was very reluctant to have it taken out. It has been a part of me since I was 15 years old. Almost ten years. I plan on putting in a gold hoop once I get home, but until then I feel naked. Stripped. When I look at my stomach it really doesnt look like mine now. Another part of me I never really was expecting to change. Or for it to bother me so much. I expected to be one of those lucky girls who can wear their belly rings until the end. It was a lofty hope I guess. I hope it doesnt close up on me cause I know I will never get it pierced again. Too much of a sissy.

I have some strech marks forming on one side of my love hamdles. Just one side, thanks for the symmetry. My mom never got any strech marks at all. She had four kids, so I guess I was also hoping to take after her instead of her sisters for once in my life. An even loftier hope you could say. But a hope none the less. One that has been shattered already. I knew that this pregnancy would change my body. I just dont think I ever really stopped to think how I would take it. I guess I just assumed it would come easily as just a fact of life. I never thought about how I would take the just looking fat stage (which I am still in thank you). It affects you more than you'd think. It bothers me when you can see women passing judgment on you when they look at you and see only a fat woman. A slob. They think 'that would never be me; how could she let herself look like that; she should be going to the gym' and it makes me want to scream at them "dont judge me I'm pregnant." I dont want them to think mean things about me. But I know they are. I have been that woman. I know better now. It doesn't feel good. And it makes me ashamed for all those years I was the overly judgmental bitch. Forgive me.

Anyhow, this post has gotten quite sappy and oh poor me. So I will say this Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all my (what like 5?) readers and I will see you all next year once I have been spoiled rotten by my family. What? Isn't that what christmas is about? No? Oh well. Too bad.

5 comments:

  1. I almost shed a tear for you this morning Cindy.
    Your still beautiful to me no matter how big you get. And it doesn't matter what everyone thinks, your having a baby. Like an alive person in you. That's fucked up, your bound to get a bit fluffy. I want to know what your tattoo looks like?
    I can hardly wait to see it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Merry Christmas! Hope Santa spoils you silly...and don't worry...soon you'll look unmistakably pregnant and not just fat.

    p.s. are you guys finding out what your having?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ashallee9:42 PM

    Come home!
    I need your help!
    or please call me
    2300 357.
    Cindypants. I need my CINDY!

    ReplyDelete
  4. hello??? i miss reading you...what's up? everything okay?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ya -- are you alright???

    ReplyDelete