So on Friday was my 5th anniversary. And after having to remind someone of the fact (not really a surprise) he decided that he was going to buy me flowers.
We were in a grocery store, and I was looking at cards and he asked the flower lady how much for a dozen long stem roses. (now keep in mind I'm behind her and she hasnt seen me) She tells him how much (68$) and he looks at her with a completely serious face and says
"Nah, my wife's not worth that much." I roll my eyes at him and she's like
I start laughing and then she realizes that he said it for a reaction from me. She says to me I was gonna hit him, he has no idea how close he came to being smacked. I laughed and told her he probably still is going to be beat.
In the end, I told him not to spend that much on flowers I was just gonna kill anyway. So he got a cheap bouquet and made me dinner.
Its conversations like this that make me wonder how he's survived the five years without me killing him and feeding his body to pigs. If I ever buy a pig and a wood chipper, you'll know he made another wise ass comment and didnt survive.