Merry Christmas!

Well this will be my final post for the year. I am leaving tomorrow for Saskatchewan and probably wont be back until the new year.

I finally had to remove my belly ring. It was starting to catch on everything and was infected because of that. Eeew, I know. I was very reluctant to have it taken out. It has been a part of me since I was 15 years old. Almost ten years. I plan on putting in a gold hoop once I get home, but until then I feel naked. Stripped. When I look at my stomach it really doesnt look like mine now. Another part of me I never really was expecting to change. Or for it to bother me so much. I expected to be one of those lucky girls who can wear their belly rings until the end. It was a lofty hope I guess. I hope it doesnt close up on me cause I know I will never get it pierced again. Too much of a sissy.

I have some strech marks forming on one side of my love hamdles. Just one side, thanks for the symmetry. My mom never got any strech marks at all. She had four kids, so I guess I was also hoping to take after her instead of her sisters for once in my life. An even loftier hope you could say. But a hope none the less. One that has been shattered already. I knew that this pregnancy would change my body. I just dont think I ever really stopped to think how I would take it. I guess I just assumed it would come easily as just a fact of life. I never thought about how I would take the just looking fat stage (which I am still in thank you). It affects you more than you'd think. It bothers me when you can see women passing judgment on you when they look at you and see only a fat woman. A slob. They think 'that would never be me; how could she let herself look like that; she should be going to the gym' and it makes me want to scream at them "dont judge me I'm pregnant." I dont want them to think mean things about me. But I know they are. I have been that woman. I know better now. It doesn't feel good. And it makes me ashamed for all those years I was the overly judgmental bitch. Forgive me.

Anyhow, this post has gotten quite sappy and oh poor me. So I will say this Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all my (what like 5?) readers and I will see you all next year once I have been spoiled rotten by my family. What? Isn't that what christmas is about? No? Oh well. Too bad.

So So Very Sick

Hi all!

I am sick. Which will come as no surprise to anyone because seriously, I am always sick. If anyone even thinks that they are sick and come near me, I will get whatever they think they have. It's really a fascinating phenomenon. For everyone but me.

My husband, the bastard, never EVER gets sick. We were discussing this the other day. He figured that since I was pregnant with his child, said child would maybe be so kind as to help mommy get better quicker.

I laughed.

And then I had to explain to him that his child is a tiny little parasite, sucking any and all available vitamins and minerals and nutrients from me. Leaving only the smallest amount of said goodness left to keep me alive. And just barely.

I have no voice. Well, that's not entirely true. You know how people who have a scratchy throat say that they have a frog in their throat? I have a frog, only she is a chain-smoking, whiskey drinking whore who stays up all night partying in the most smoke filled bars she can find.

I've obviously put alot of thought into this.

I've been drinking so much water to keep my thraot hydrated that yesterday when I started coughing uncontrollably, I threw up water all over the living room floor. I just know you all wanted to hear that. Then I had to clean it up by myself because there is no mommy nearby for me to cry to and make clean my puke. Thankfully it was pure water, but still.

Anyway, I seem to be going through a hot flash right now and need to get off the computer to go stand outside so I will stop sweating. Seriously, I joke with my husband that this isn't a baby inside me, somehow he must've managed to implant a boiler in there.

There is a Reason

I promise. For why I haven't been posting as much lately (I figured I'd best elaborate on that first sentence, in case you can't read my mind)

However I cannot get into it just yet. I know that if I try to allude to things going on I will wind up spilling the beans on it, and then get myself in trouble with the Mister. No it has nothing to do with the baby, everythings fine that way.

So for now you guys will just have to settle with this inane post comprising of all the things I have been meaning to turn into real posts, but am much too lazy for all of that.

Here goes.

1. The bitch is gone. We sent her home on Monday. Damage incurred? Every carpet in our house needing to be scrubbed and steamed to within an inch of its life because we werent told she wasnt housebroken. (thank you very much) Seriously she pooped in the house 3 times one day. Once right after I brought her back in from the yard. Damn near killed her. And? She dug up our spare mattress. Covered with giant holes. That was an especially nice surprise. This was not worth it at all since we have no idea wether or not they ever actually figured out how to do it, and if there are puppies from this we are taking the profits from half the litter. So yes Heather, if we do have a litter from this we will make sure you get a black male.

2. I just about hit an elk with my moms truck. Because drunk Adam was pointing in front of me to look at the elk in the field off to the side. Thank you, I think I'll just look at the ones on the highway. I almost had to stop and compose myself because shit, elk are huge and I would've wiped out the front end of a truck I cannot afford.

3. We got our christmas tree. We went into the bush and chopped it down. (by we I mean he, because I sat in the truck and pointed at the trees I wanted him to knock the snow off of so i could see if they were fluffy enough, then laughed as snow landed on his head. And then watched as he dragged it back to the truck. Without offering to help)

4. When you are playing charades with 20 or so drunk women and you are the only sober one, you will kick ass. They will start to get mad at you, and cover your eyes when your teammates are up.

5. Charades isn't nearly as much fun when sober.

6. I am down to one pair of prepregnancy jeans. Although I think they are magic jeans because they are all I have been able to fit into for almost a month. And I have done all my expanding in the last month(in my ASS thank you very much). But it sucks having to wash them every two days and have to wear sweat clothes while they are being washed. If you've ever seen my closet you will understand how it pains me to only have one pair of pants. Dont even get me started on shirts and how they are all now belly shirts, and how much that makes me cringe when I have to leave the house.

7. Adams christmas party is tomorrow night. It's formal-ish. He doesnt understand that if I have nothing to wear we will NOT be going. He also doesn't understand that "just look for something in your closet, there has to be something in there" isn't really an option when you have a basketball inflating inside you.

8. I haven't even started to shop for christmas yet. We were planning on doing it all tomorrow.

9. My stomach sticks out way more when I am tired. When I'm not (tired) and standing up straight (which I rarely do), you almost can't tell that I am five months (and 4 days) pregnant. (so I guess technically I can say I am in my sixth month of pregnancy)(although you will notice that there are no pictures on here so nobody can bust my bubble and say HOLY COW you're big!)(also there are no pictures being taken of me, sooo therefore none to post)

10. I am literally losing my mind here with nothing to do, nowhere to go and seriously no friends. Adam is my only source of entertainment. And as entertaining as he is, he still starts to get on my nerves. That is not a good thing for any involved. Although I guess if I am so bored you'd think I'd post on my blog more often.

Wow, I guess this is the most I've posted on here in a very long time. Yay for me.

I have a confession

So this is kind of embarrassing, and I dont think any of you will feel the same way about me after I tell you this. Which I guess is why I've waited so long to bring it up.

I watched this season of the Bachelor.

This was the first time I have ever watched it, please forgive me. But...

He was a Prince dammit, and there was a girl on it who lives only an hour away from here. And Ok, she was sent home fairly early on. But by that point I was addicted.

The socialite was a bit of a trainwreck, and I loved every minute of it. And I also couldnt wait for Lorenzo to realize what a scheming bag Lisa was.

When it came down to Sadie (the virgin (who I wanted to win more than anything)) and Jennifer (the woman whose father threatened Lorenzo with his guns) I thought for sure he was gonna pick Sadie.

But apparently I was wrong.

And I was very pissed off. Maybe to the point that I threw the remote at the tv. Its a good thing I have bad aim, and only hit the wall. Cause boy, would I have been in trouble.

You can all commence bugging me for watching that mindless drivel. But really, what else is there to watch on Monday nights?

Dinner Conversation*

"Did you fart?"

"No."

"Can you smell that, it smells horrible"

"Yeah, its my breath."

"Are you serious?" (takes big breath as he breathes out)

GAG!

"Oh my god that is your breath, whats wrong with you?"

"It's this buffalo burger. It tastes gross, but I'll eat it!"

A few seconds later the waitress comes over to see if everything is ok. We are still laughing uncontrollably.

*seriously, word for word. you can't make this shit up.

Basic Instinct

I always used to think that certain characteristics about animals were just instinct. Like marking their territory, showing dominance/submission, loyalty and mating.

Jenny? Does all of those things (okay so she has it a little confused and thinks she is the one to do the humping, but whatever)(and to be perfectly honest I think its hilarious when she humps the boy dogs).

Caesar on the other hand seems to be missing a few instinctual abilities. Unfortunately it is not the marking his territory one. He wanders the yard to all his marking places every day. However in case you were wondering (and I know you are) he seems to have the inability to figure out how to mate. This is a problem because we have a female dobermann staying with us (yeah, I'm real happy about that) who happens to currently be in heat (since we've been waiting like 6mos for it to happen) (so we can neuter caesar, because men have issues about neutering virgin male dogs). And this all seems to have been for nothing because seriously, he is too stupid to figure out what to do.

The closest he's got was dry humping the air near her head. (I just know you all wanted to hear that) She walks around pushing her hooha in his face and he licks her butt. Which annoys her to no end.

And good god are dogs in heat ever annoying. Seriously why couldn't we have just took Caesar to her. Would've made my life alot easier. Jenny's too.

So if any of you out there have any tips to making a stupid male dog figure out what to do, that would be much appreciated. But for now, I'm getting ready to go for my massage. I need to get out of the house.

Happy Birthday to ME

Yeah, great. So far it has been downright wonderful.

Oh, right, I guess sarcasm doesnt transfer very well into writing.

So far I have been woken up at the crack of dawn by my two wonderful dogs barking their heads off at absofuckinglutely nothing. Only to not be able to fall back asleep.

Then my wonderful husband gets home from work. And promptly starts smoking in the house. Absofuckinglutely wonderful. Not only am I pregnant, but I am also allergic to smoke. He thinks that I can't smell it. So then he thinks that that makes it perfectly acceptable to do whatever the fuck he wants.

Then the fucker goes outside while I am still trying to sleep and starts his skidoo. So in my perfectly reasonable state of mind, I amble downstairs in my underwear and lock him out of the house. It was only for a couple minutes. But it felt good. Dammit.

When I finally let him back in we had a rip snorting fight across the living room. While I was still in my underwear. I felt a little silly, but wasnt about to back down. Our poor dogs were cowering together on the couch. Not that I felt that sorry for them for waking me up at 5am. I told him to fuck the fuck off and go for a skidoo ride. So I went and took a shower only to find out that I am out of conditioner. My wonderful husband with his short hair used it all. And put the empty container back in the shower and never said a word. (I have a couple words for him)

Anyway, today doesnt even feel like my birthday. Wonderful man went out and bought my birthday present yesterday ( I told him if he was planning on buying me anything hed better have bought it before the day of my birthday for once) and promptly had to give it to me because he has no self control. I got a gift certificate for a hot stone massage, and two pillows. That he tried to keep for himself.

But at least my brothers called to say happy birthday. Still havent heard from my sister or my parents. However my mom wont call until 5:35 tonight,cause its technically when I will be older.

I wonder, does this mean that I have to change my profile? Ah, fuck it. I'll get to it later.

Dirty Dirty Mind

Question: Grandma's are usually wrinkled and drooping...




Sarah: BOOBS!!!!

Ummm no. You pervert.

Happy **th Birthday Sarah!

Hope you have a great day, even if you are stuck working.


*For bonus points here are the rest of the clues: You stick your appendage inside of me; when I'm old, I'm too stretched out to be useful.*

Don't give away the answer to them Sarah.

**Yes Sarah, I posted this the night before. I wanted it to be up when you checked, and lets be honest, I am not a morning person to get up and post before you look. Also you're an hour ahead of me. And you get up like 6 hours before me.**

At least have a birthday drink to celebrate. Even if you won't go to the bar, have one at home. And have one for me too, I will be joining you at **years old in a short week's time.

Haha, you're older than me! Sorry, I couldn't resist.

11 Things I WIsh I Knew Beforehand

1. Pregnancy is 40 weeks. So 4 weeks a month into 40 is 10 MONTHS PEOPLE! Why does society insist on perpetuating the myth that you are only pregnant for 9 months? (Ok, well in the interest of full disclosure they count in the 40 weeks two weeks when you arent actually pregnant. But seriously? If there is any rounding off being done, why not round up?)

2. People really think its ok to come up and touch your stomach. Why? We dont rub anyone elses stomach why force us to endure that too?

3. You will not feel pregnant for a very long time, so when you notice your pants NO LONGER FIT you will not be happy. And it will equate to you feel fat.

4. Pregnant glow? Not a glow. It is caused by the overproduction of oil on your face, also the reason for all those zits. And on your chest too.

5. Among all other things you have to endure, your nose will be stuffy all the time, and your vision will go too. Also nobody tells you that Vicks Vaporub will contribute to chest zits.

6. Pregnant dreams are not fun dreams all the time. You will torture yourself with dreams of miscarriage, labour with all the pain and no baby, and not knowing your babies sex even after you've had it and people will ask you while you are carrying your baby and you tell them you dont know and still dont think to look. OR violent dreams of murder and vampires (the last one was last night) I am not sure which are worse.

7. Sex dreams.

8. Insomnia. You would think that nature would be nice and let you sleep now. Sure you're tired all the time. Good luck sleeping at night. Your mind goes BOING! and then you are awake and it races until about 3 am. That's how you can tell mother nature must really be a bitch, cause shortly you will be sleep deprived for the rest of your life and yet now, your last chance at good sleep, and you can't. (Some would argue I am all stocked up on it, but whatever.)

9. You will read all the books only to learn that you will most likely poop on the table. In front of people. After all the humiliating things you have to endure now you're telling me I will poop in front of everyone? Thanks alot.

10. Don't ask a pregnant woman how many months she is. She doesn't know. If you pressure her she will tell you in weeks and days. If she tells you in months, she's obviously just guessing. And also rounding up. For instance I am 18weeks 3days. If you want months I will tell you I am 5 months. When really I am in my fifth month. You will not understand this until you are pregnant.

11. You among all other things, will become a clutz. Yesterday I walked into a wire display at the grocery store. Only to be laughed at. You can guess by who. He's not very smart.

Well that's all I can think of right now (pregnant brain) even though I know last night while not sleeping, I had though of more. Feel free to add yours to the comments section.

Meh! It looked better in person, I'm not very photogenic, and the satiny fabric makes my stomach look bigger than it is. And I'm not just saying that. However on the plus side, holy boobs!

Finally! Those are radishes for eyes and fake blood for the mouth, the nose of course is carrott. However the last two days it has rained all day, so there is nothing left of our poor snowman. And Caesar peed on him to add the final insult to injury.

Fun Weekend!

I finally had a fun weekend again! By that I mean we actually did something instead of just staying home.

We went to a halloween party, one where you have to dress up! It was so much fun. I haven't dressed up for halloween since high school at least. We went as Vampires. Hubby got first and I got second. He received a jar of homemade pickles, and I got a jar of plum jam, also homemade.

He seems to think that he is soooo special because he won first. Whatever, I did his makeup so the only reason he looked as good as he did was because of me. Anyway...

Apparently squishing yourself into a corset at 17 weeks pregnant is not something that should be misconstrued as comfortable. Or smart. And when your husband undoes the clasps at the back, be prepared to have it go flying across the bedroom, nearly taking out a dog. Needless to say I only wore it for a few minutes before I couldn't take it anymore and had to change.

AND THEN on sunday night, it SNOWED!!! For the first time this year. It snowed a couple inches and so we took advantage of it and made a snowman. Which I also havent done since I was a kid. I can only imagine our neighbors are thinking to themsleves 'and these two are bringing a kid into the world?'

Our snowman today looks a little lopsided as SOMEONE decided to refuse to acknowledge the fact that my snowball was bigger than his, so it leans. And also kinda looks like a pregnant woman. Oh well. I figure its not too bad for people who havent made one in at least a decade.

*Pictures will be added when blogger decides to cooperate.*

Holy Illegal, Batman!

I went to an interview on Friday at a motel to do front desk clerk. I have done it before and probably would be the best qualified for it. I have been getting bored at home all by myself lately so I thought I would try to get a job for some extra money and something to do.

Anyway, it was the shortest interview ever. She was really excited about me and getting ready I think to offer me the job, when I decided to tell her I was pregnant, and she looked at me and said "well, I guess I have to tell you you will not get the job. I'm sorry."

I knew that that might happen, but still. It annoys me because it is so illegal. The least she could've done was finish the interview and tell me she would get back to me. Lie to me, tell me there was someone more qualified, I don't care.

Some people just dont get the law.

Baby Tic Tac

Sixteen Weeks. Babys first picture!

Wood Heat Misery

This new house has a woodstove, and that is our main source of heat. I cannot take it anymore. There apparently is no middle ground where you are not boiling to death as though you were standing on the surface of the sun. Either the heat is on and you are dying, or it is off and you are freezing to death. Either way you are dead. Or wish you were.

Saying that I am too hot is a big step for me. In our last house Hubby was the Heat Nazi. If you could feel blood circulating, chances are that he would come in and yell at me for it being too hot. People would come over and leave their kids in their winter jackets because it was soooo cold.

I don't know if it is because I am pregnant and have extra blood, enough to bring my circulation to my feet anyway, or if it really is just that hot in here. Hubby keeps getting mad at me because I keep letting the fire go out, but I cannot take it.

Also that is why I don't post so much anymore because the computer is up in the loft and seriously, it is hotter than the surface of the sun up there. And there is nothing that can be done to cool it off up there.

Anyway, I am gonna go try and kill the fire now.

Out of Hand

These hormones are killing me. Seriously. At this point it's not even funny anymore. Despite the fact that hubby thinks it's cute.

We (okay, I) was watching Jersey Girl on the weekend. Ya know the movie with Ben Affleck and J.Lo, the one where she dies? Anyway in case you haven't seen it, she dies while giving birth to her baby. I was BAWLING like a little baby.

Because she died. While giving birth. Any other time I would be very happy that J.Lo died in a movie. But she died while having her baby. So I was an emotional wreck.

(Hubby was laughing his ass off in the kitchen while making bannock, which in truth, makes me laugh.)

But seriously, I cried when J.Lo died. What is wrong with me? There has to be some way to control this hormone rollercoaster I am on. Cause I enjoy being able to be happy when J.Lo dies.

Hi!

Long time no speak, huh? This time it was not my fault and I was not just being lazy. I went away last thursday to asscrap village to help my friend who was putting on a psychic fair. I came back monday afternoon to find out that he broke the keyboard. He spilled an entire glass of sprite and vodka on it. It didn't appreciate that so much and shorted out.

So I have been out of a computer for about a week. I was going batshit crazy. Not fun. Anyway...

I had an ultrasound today. The baby was hiding behind my belly button. And also refused to wake up. I am apparently going to have a lazy baby. I kinda hope it sleeps alot. I was poking my stomach trying to wake it up and she was pushing with the ultrasound wand much harder than a woman with a very full bladder appreciates. It did look like the baby was sucking its thumb though. It was pretty awesome to see.

Although it was pretty awesome to pee afterwards too.

Stink Stank Stunk!

Poor poor Jenny.

I don't know if I told you guys this. We have a skunk. No not as a pet, but as a very unwelcome and unwanted bastard who lives under our porch.

In case you haven't guessed by now, Jenny got sprayed. In the face. Let me say that again for you. In. The. Face.

Right before bed. Someone went outside for one last smoke before bed and took the dogs out. Big Mistake.

She was foaming at the mouth and not happy at all about it. Thankfully it never got Ceasar. But still. We had to give her a bath outside with the hose and tomato soup. which does work by the way.

And unfortunately today the whole house stunk like rancid. So I spent most of the day outside because of course it didnt still stink outside. Man that little bastard Pepe LaPew is going down.

We bought traps and are going to catch him. And kill him. Shut up. I don't want to hear it from anyone. Unless you have been through all this before you have no idea how horrible it is.

Stink-Stank-Stunk!

Poor poor Jenny.

I don't know if I told you guys this yet. We have a skunk. No, not as a pet. This little bastard lives under our deck. Unwanted, and very unwelcome.

If you haven't figured it out by now, Jenny got sprayed by our little Pepe La Pew.

In her face. It's 10:30 at night. We were planning on going to bed just now, but Someone needed to have another smoke before bed. He took the dogs out with him. Big Mistake.

Seriously, she's foaming from the mouth. Sprayed. In the face.

The smell is unbearable. All the doors and windows in the house were closed and the smell is still so unbeleivable that I want to vomit. It burns my eyes, and brings up the gag reflex.

Poor hubby is giving her a bath outside. He stinks too from touching her. We will most likely have to throw out his clothes. OF COURSE he's wearing good newer unripped jeans. Because of course he couldn't have been wearing old clothes. That would be too easy. Simple even.

Pepe is so going down. I want him shot. Does anybody have the number of Elmer Fudd? Normally I would've been against the shooting of a "harmless" animal but this little bastard has ruined enough evenings and early mornings with his stench. I no longer care wether he lives or dies. I would prefer he dies at this point. And I don't want to hear from anyone "how can you kill such a harmless peaceful creature?" or "There are many easier nonlethal ways to get rid of a pest. Try them" Unless you have ever had to deal with this, shut up. I can be as liberal, hippy and tree hugging as the next person, but I have had it. Seriously, I will shoot the little fucker myself.

Okay I need to go into my bedroom now, the only room in the house where you can't smell the unbeleivable stench of rancid.

WTF?????!!!!

So I just got off the phone with my mom, and something just makes sense now.

I was REALLY pissed off about the Grey's Anatomy premiere. I was thinking to myself that they had REALLY lost their mojo for season three, and what a crappy way to leave us hanging for what the hell happened to Izzie hours after Denny died?

I was VERY upset that my favourite show had dropped the ball.

Apparently CTV aired the second episode. Now it all makes sense. But now I have to wait until next thursday to see the episode that I had waited all summer to see. VERY disappointed.

If I had known that CTV aired the wrong episode I would've watched it on ABC later on. Nobody had better tell me what really happened on the premiere or I will be really mad.

Are your parents home?

One of my neighbors stopped by last night to inform me what was going on between her and one of the other neighbors. This guy is trying to take away everyones irrigation rights if they have a well. Fun.

But anyway, she started off on the wrong foot by when I answered the door asking "Are your parents home?"

"Uummm, actually this is my house."

"Oh, you look too young."

I guess I can't get too upset because I use that line whenever telemarketers call or salespeople stop by the house. It just annoys me when people assume things like that.

Maybe I should be grateful that when I get older people will still think I'm younger than I am.

Heehee, she must've thought I was a pregnant teen. Or I guess just a fat one.

Tic Tac's Doctors Appointment*

So I had my second doctors appointment on tuesday.

It went......ok I guess.

I had my internal exam. That was uncomfortable. Or I guess the word is embarassing. Especially since this was the first time I had met this woman.

She is a very good Doctor. And well she should be, since Beer Town has the highest rate of births per capita in Canada. Due to the polygamist group nearby.

I got to hear the heartbeat. 160bpm, which is supposed to be exactly what it should be. I was so excited to hear it, although disappointed to not get an ultrasound. Which I don't get until around the 20th week. Hubby was really disappointed to have to be at work, so he couldn't hear it too. Oh well.

But what really disappointing me was to learn that I had gained three pounds since my previous appointment. Which yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be gaining weight. But the chart she had up in her office said that average/optimal weight gain in first trimester is 1-2 lbs. I know, it's not that much, but it is still above what the chart says I should. Then when I asked the nurse if that was normal she shrugged and said I don't know. What kinda support is that? Then she said in a condescending tone "Well you'd better get used to it. There's more of that to come." Yes. Thank you. I know, but do I really look like I want to hear that right now? I was already self conscious about my weight to begin with. Now, I know I have to gain weight for the baby, but seriously, do I have to be happy about it? I think not. And you can't make me.



* Tic Tac is our pet nickname for the baby. It came about one day shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I said to Hubby that he had to go into town to get me a blizzard from DQ because the baby wanted it. He looked at me and said "The baby is the size of a tic tac, he doesn't crave anything." From then on, we have called her Tic Tac.

Two steps forward, 6 steps back

Or why I hate my house.

So last week I think I forgot I had a blog. OR maybe I was just busy doing this: That's right folks, we got rid of that old stinky stained and burned carpet. We put in laminate. We compromised on the color, I wanted maple, he wanted an oak color so we got a birch. So in other words neither of us got what we wanted.

It was an interesting learning experience. Once we got the hang of it though, it was a breeze. And I only had the urge for the first twenty minutes to throw a hammer at his head. He kept yelling at me for doing things wrong when they weren't my fault. I'm not saying it was his fault (yes I am) but it sure as hell wasn't mine. This took us two whole nights because we are lazy asses.

Friday night we were sitting on our couch, congratulating each other on a job well done, when he turns to me and says "Are you doing laundry?" Normally, I would think he was being an asshole when saying that; insinuating that I should be doing laundry, unfortunately I could hear water running too. "No, I'm not" then in unison from the two of us "FUCK" as we run towards the sound of the water.

A pipe burst in between the floors. Water was gushing everyewhere into our laundry closet. Hectic things happened, the water got shut off, and pressure drained until finally we had the problem under control. When we relaxed (ha) enough we realized that water was leaking through the ceiling drywall seams into the dining room (MY TABLE!!!) all over the floor. So we cleaned it up. As best we could considering the ceiling was still leaking.

Oh by the way, notice the walls in the dining room? That was weekend project 06. There is your picture. Finally. Don't notice that the trim isn't done, because eventually we are getting better trim. So I felt there was no point in staining that stuff.

I was going to post a picture of the living room finished, but blogger decided that I am not allowed to. So take it up with him. (you just know blogger is a man because he is a tempramental bitch)

Also last wednesday I went to the dentist (thank you very much, asshole) they did a cleaning and the bastard made my gums bleed everywhere. But at least I didn't pass out.

The Fire/ Moonyass Incident

Okay, so I gather that everone is getting bored with my stories from Saskatchewan. So this will be my last. Cause these are really the only two that are SUPER funny. I have put them together because they happened on the same night to the same person. And of course that person is my husband.

So again, they had been drinking for like three days straight, all day. We are all just sitting around the fire talking about how cool our $400 dollars worth of fireworks were.

Next thing I know, he starts swaying on his feet and kinda nosedives into Zak's crotchal area, Zak pushes him away and he goes falling backwards into the fire.

And kinda just lays there. Looking around. He has the look on his face of a little kid who has fallen and doesn't know how to react wether to cry or to get up and run away continuing to play.

Anyway, he starts like yelling, "Get me out, get me out!" Zak decides to try and pull him out but looks like he is about to fall in after him. So my mom runs to the rescue and safely pulls him out.

All he got was a slight burn on the side of his hand. Of course he can't feel it because he's so drunk. Which I guess is a good thing.

So shortly after this I decide I've had enough "excitement" and head to bed so I can get a good night's sleep, before he comes into the trailer and ruins my sleep. Unfortunately he decides he should sleep too, so comes in about five minutes after me.

Which I guess was fine, he passed out rather quickly.

Problems started a couple hours later when he woke up, and I could tell he had to pee.

I could tell because he pulled his pants down, but then passed out again with his butt (bare) up in the air. Being the good wife that I am, I try to pull his pants up, hoping he will just sleep through the night.

No such luck. He starts thrashing around again, and kicks my pillow off the bed. So, I sit up and move out of his way. He lumbers off the bed and starts trying to undo his shorts again. So I start repeating his name gradually louder and louder each time, to no avail. I was really worried about getting his attention because he was aimed at my clothes.

So I hit his arm and screamed "ASS!"

"What ta fuck do youuuuu want?" He yells back

"what are you doing?"

"I haff ta pee." And continues with his pants.

"well, maybe you should go to the BATHROOM then." He storms outside. And I think pees on the keg. He starts screaming for the dogs, because he thinks they are outside. I'm worried that he's gonna wake everyone up, so I tell him to shut the fuck up, the dogs are already in the camper.

He doesn't believe me and continues to yell for the dogs. So Jenny decides to get up and see what his problem is. She trots out of the camper (past him) and he sees her standing over by the fire pit.

"Come on Jemy, lees go ta bed. I told you see wasss ouside"

I shake my head, and lead them back to bed. I spent a really uncomfortable night squished between him, Jenny and the wall.

It was really fun telling him what he did that night. And he wouldn't have believed me except my mom heard him outside yelling for the dogs, so I had collaboration.

I am in Haaaaaate!

So today I received a phone call today from the hospital.

(oh my god! Somethings wrong with my blood tests. What's wrong with me? What could be wrong? Am I going to miscarry? What will I tell hubby? He'll be so upset. I think I'm gonna cry. Or scream. Gaaaaaa!) (I also thought this all in the two seconds that the phone had it's first ring, before I picked it up.)

Hello?

Hi! Is this Cynthia?

Yes.

Hi! This is bitchface from the lab at the hospital. There is a problem with your blood for the tests. We need you to come in again.

Okay(stay calm). What is the problem?

Oh, well, um, on the way to being tested in Vancouver, some of your vials broke, so we need more of your blood.

OH. Okay, I'll be in as soon as I can then. (hangs up the phone and takes a big calming breath)

Why the fuck is it that they always screw up taking blood from the person who is soooo not okay with giving blood? Why does this have to be my luck? Why me?

The Boating Incident

I can't exactly tell you this story as though I was there because unfortunately I was not on the boat. I wish I were.

The three stooges (Dad, Idiot, and Zak) had all been drinking. Since they got up in the morning. And at this point it is about 4 in the afternoon. Marie and I went with them to dock the boat so we could drive the truck back to our side of the lake. Watching them trying to unload the boat was really really funny. They had forgot that there were tie downs on the back end of the boat and it took them all about 10 mins to figure out WHY the boat wasn't coming off the trailer. So we left them at that, and drove back to our land.

About a half an hour later the guys come up to our site. They had been chasing seagulls in the boat. At this point it bears mentioning that my parents have a seadoo jet boat, with twin 80hp engines, so chasing seagulls is easy. As long as you don't quit paying attention for even a split second. Because as Zak learned, you can and will be thrown from the boat. Even if you are kinda holding on withone arm, it won't be enough. Apparently the other two turned their heads only to see Zak flying ass over tea kettle into the water. He managed to save his hat, but forgot completely about his 150$ sunglasses. Lake 1 Zak 0.

Later on Zak and Marie went out on the seadoo and he lost his hat this time. Lake 2 Zak 0. Sometimes men never learn.

After these incidents he decided to not make fun of my dad's insistence upon wearing a life jacket (especially since he can't swim). And also to never quit paying attention in a boat that has a cord attached to the key so if the driver is thrown out, the boat engines are killled.

The Groping Incident

So we are out at the lake and the keg has been cracked and Hubby has been drinking since about noon. It is now about 10 pm. Roughly. Sarah is there to visit along with her boyfriend Ray.

I get up to go to the bathroom and come back to see that Sarah is sitting in my seat. Whatever, no big deal. Mine was warmer because it was closer to the fire but that's fine I was hot anyway. So I sit down in her seat.

About five minutes passes and hubby gets up to stumble around the campsite a bit. I think nothing of it, and truth be told, was kinda spacing out. Next thing I know, I hear this panicked voice coming from Sarah, "What is he doing?????" I look over to see him leaning over the back of what was my seat, and hugging her from behind. The funny part is that not only is she whacking him with a stick from the ground, but Ray hasn't even said a word about him molesting his girlfriend. We are all staring. I am laughing like I'm high.

Eventually he realizes that this woman doesn't feel like me ( I wonder what gave it away, maybe the fact that she was pulling away from him)and he pulls away. Absolutely mortified, he couldn't even look at her. And kept apologizing profusely for the next twenty minutes.

For some reason Ray assumed he was just grabbing her from behind to pull her backwards off her chair. Which wouldn't have been very nice.

All I could say was at least he didn't GRAB her boobs. Although the extra handful (bitch) would've clued him in alot quicker.

First Pre-Natal Appointment

I had my first prenatal appointment today. It went ok, I guess. The doctor who is standing in for my real doctor is kind of incompetent.

You see, I have a heart murmur. I have since I was born. She couldn't find it. Like at all. And then looked at me like I was just making shit up. So whatever, she made a note of it in my chart but kinda didn't really believe me. And she is from New Zealand, so I also couldn't really understand what she was saying to me.

Afterwards, she hands me the form that I need to go to the hospitol to get my bloodwork done. As we've learned in the past, I don't do needles very well. So after waiting in the waiting room for like a half an hour, when finally called in for the bloodwork I tell the lady that I am a fainter. And my veins blow up very easily. So she uses a small needle, but I'll get to that. She is asking me all sorts of questions for the forms she has to fill out and our conversation goes something like this:

Her: So, the babies fathers last name?

Me: Same as mine. Then I spell it for her

Her: Oh, gives me real funny look and pauses uncomfortably, well that's unusual these days. Doesn't happen so much. Another funny look like I'm lying

Me: Well I guess that's what happens when you get married.


Seriously, the bitch. Just because I'm young that must mean I'm just sleeping around. I bet she would've never said that to someone even 5 years older than me.

So I came back from my appointment glad that the doctor I seen wasn't really my doctor and also wanting to punch the lab tech. Not looking forward to having to go back every month to see miss opinionated.

Back Home

So we are back now. It feels good to be home. Not that I didn't enjoy the trip, but after a certain amount of time you just want to go home.

There are many stories I want to tell, but each is so funny they deserve their own post. But needless to say, once the keg was bought, that's when all the funny things started to happen. Like the fire incident, the groping incident, the boating incidents and of course the funniest one of all the moonyass incident. Each will come at their own time. And having been sober the whole time I remember each incident without the fog of beer. Dammit.

Marie and I didn't really see eye to eye very well this trip down, mostly because I refused to put up with her bullshit. For once. It seems lately I won't just walk away from a fight. But her telling me I was not really feeling sick, just playing the pregnancy card was really starting to get on my nerves. And Hubby's too, cause when I got really mad he was the one to hear it.

Anyway, that's all for now. Hope you guys didn't miss me too badly.

Oh, have you been waiting?

Did I promise an update with an announcement?

Did I say I would do it right away?

Oh, I did? I meant whenever I felt like it.

I've been busy lately what with the visiting and all. And meeting my new neice. She is beautiful. Although, all babies kinda look alike to me.

Umm have you guys been waiting for this announcement? No, I haven't really been all that subtle about it if you know what I'm talking about, you could probably guess it.

Anyway, just so Sarah can stop checking every ten minutes to see if it's official yet (she has work to do) ...









I'm pregnant.


No Marie didn't freak out as much as I thought she would. There were no tears, or yelling. My dad however decided that he's not ready to be a grandpa, so he needed to have a drink.

My mom claims she knew. I'm not sure about that. But I'll give it to her.

Janet (my MIL) said congrats but didn't really sound all that convincing. Whatever.

So that's my big news.

In which they sink to a new low.

I was so looking forward to going home to Saskatchewan today. Don't worry, I am still going (once the car is fixed) (what doesn't your car break down every time you want to go somewhere?) (mine do), I just am not as excited about it.

I received a phone call yesterday from my four year old neice because her mother didn't feel like talking to me to tell me that their trip down to Saskatchewan was ok. Do you know what she said to me?

"I hear your stupid. That's ok I like you anyway.'

That's right, that's exactly what she said. While I could hear her mother and grandmother laugh in the background. Real classy huh? Involving the four year old in making my life hell. Needless to day, I was very hurt and upset. Also very pissed off. Although Hubby was alot more angry than I was. Especially considering that when I asked her to put her mom on the line they hung up the phone. HUNG UP THE PHONE!

So, I think I will pass on going over to visit them. And I will have nothing to do with the telling of our announcement to them. Fuckers.

I am really excited for the fireworks that I bought though.

Oh also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAN! Hahahaa you're 22 now! You're OLD. Love ya!

Maybe we should just stay home

On the weekend we went out boating with the people who used to rent our house. It was really fun. We brought along our propane bbq because we were told that there were fire bans. Although, while out on the middle of the lake Hubby realized that he had forgot to bring the propane tank. Ooops, looks like we will be starting a fire. Then on the way back across the lake at the end of the day, we ran out of gas. That's right, in the middle of the lake. So he and the other guy were rowing. Unsuccessfully I might add, because we were going in circles. I was getting annoyed as it was getting dark and I was hungry. So I pulled out the whistle from our boat safety kit and whistled like our boat was going down. Eventually someone came and got us, so we were pulled to safety. Which is a good thing because one of the oars broke in the harbour.

Then while driving home we watched a guy on a bike hit a baby black bear (one of 3 on the road) and wipe out. So we stopped and he was okay. So was the bear I might add, he ran away into the bushes.

So that was my weekend. Kinda funny, I think those two people who were with us think we are cursed with extremely bad luck.

Okay, So I May Be a Little Lazy Lately

Sorry, that post was up for waaaay longer than absolutely necessary. We had company come to visit from Saskatchewan. We had fun. Booze was consumed by everyone else. Someone had to be sober enough to drive.

So anyway, that's my excuse. And also on Wednesday I went to C-town to write some tests from my class. Remember those tests I wrote about mmmm a month ago? These were the first ones I have written since then. I THOUGHT I had done alright, but it turned out that I didn't do quite as well as I thought. So now I have to get almost a hundred percent on the last six tests. That I get to write on Tuesday. So my long weekend will be spent studying. Incessantly.

I am getting so excited to be going home in a little over a week. I haven't been home since mothers day 05. I miss it. A little part of me will always think of NB as home.

I bought $170 worth of fireworks for that weekend. Big ones. Fun ones. Fireworks that will blow your mind. As you can tell I am very very excited for that.

Also stay tuned for an upcoming announcement. This will be posted from Saskatchewan.

Warning! This may be too much information

"Cindy, will you give me head?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"My nose is plugged."

"I'll give you a straw..."

OH, FUCK OFF!

So, do you notice anything off in this picture? Oh, I don't know, like say maybe that there is no water coming out of the tap even though it is clearly on?

I discovered we had no water last night. While Hubby was at work, so there was nothing he could do to help fix it.

He THINKS he may have fixed it this morning but we don't know for how long it will stay fixed. FUN!

I'm starting to think that maybe I don't like this house so much now.

My Weekend Version 2.5

Now with pictures, minus the words. If you want to see what I'm talking about, refer to the last post.

ME. Eating. Also that is the cowboy hat I risked life and limb to save. Stupid thing shrunk too.

Beautiful, secluded and mosquito infested.

Blogger is a Bitch. So is this Hello! Bullshit. I wanted all three pictures in one post. But whatever. So I give Up. Oh, yeah that's me on the tube. Can't you just sense the excitement? I mean seriously, don't I look just stoked? Yeah I didn't think so either. After doing the splits and falling in the water, I just didn't really want to do it anymore. Can't imagine why.

My Weekend, Version 2.0

Here we go, I am trying this again.

We went camping on Friday and Saturday. I'm told it was fun and that we had a blast. It really wasn't that bad, I'm just not a fan of camping.

We were alone and deserted and I enjoyed that, because I am my fathers daughter and I hate too many people being around. Friday anyway.

There were millions and billions of mosquitos out so I took my book into the tent to escape them. Bug spray seemed to be crack to them.

But before I hid myself away, this is the picture Hubby decided to take of me. This is the first picture he's taken of me while fully dressed or not changing in a while (yes he's a dirty pervert) and of course I'm stuffing my face. There are two pictures actually and I'm eating both times. I think he did that on purpose.
***************************

Saturday people took over our beach (yes it's OURS) and that annoyed me very much because other people brought their dogs too. Little annoying yappy dogs, so we had to put our dogs on their leashes because they think all other dogs want to be their friends.

So we took our dogs out in the boat, and HE made me go tubing. Apparently I am not the most graceful person in the world because stupidly I tried to step into the tube, with one leg on the tube and the other in the boat and (you can see where this is going can't you?) wound up doing the splits inbetween the two items. Then I fell into the water. To his credit he never even laughed at me. Out loud anyway. So I had to climb back into the boat and try again. Then while on the tube I made him stop so I could put my goggles on because the poor baby was getting water in her eyes.
***********************
Hubby took his turn and I flipped him out of the tube repeatedly and he seemed to be enjoying himself. Until I flipped him so good that he went skipping across the water smacking his bag all along. When I came around to pick him up he was calmly floating inplace and refused to go back in the tube.

So we went back to shore for lunch. Now, while camping because I hate it so much I don't have to do anything. Because hubby is just so happy I'm even there. Anyway, he's buliding the fire and cooking lunch while I sit on my ass finishing my book. (The Devil Wears Prada) Burgers are done and he even prepares it for me, then brings it to me. I take a bite and Ketchup and mustard squirt out all over my towel. And I in my best bitchiest voice screech "How much fucking sauce did you put in this?" He turns to look at me mouth open and staring, because that was bitchy even for me. He throws my napkins, literally throws them at me. And then realizes just HOW bitchy that was of me and tries to take my burger back.

I shook my head and apologized because even I have no idea where that came from. I felt it coming and just couldn't stop myself. So we chalked it up to too much sun and packed our stuff up and headed home.

But that can't be all because I need to do one more stupid thing before we can call it a day. We're heading back with all our stuff across the lake to the truck and I am riding on the front of the boat (because I like it up there) while wearing my cowboy hat that I bought for in Jamaica when I turn my head to look backwards and (of course) it flies off. Now, normally he would just tell me to suck it up, but considering my mood snap earlier he turns around to go find it. We come up to it and it is about two feet under water. Knowing it won't be within reach for much longer I go jumping off the front of the still moving boat. In front of it. Thankfully he guessed I was gonna be that stupid and had already started turning the boat so as not to run over me with the prop. Mission accomplished, I came up witht he hat in my hands and a lungfull of water. Coughing all the way back to the boat.

And that was my weekend trip.

By the way, we are now both very very sunburned. Him more so than me because I had a base tan. Which is funny because he has a head start on me being native and all and I'm naturally pale as pale can be. Men are sissies when sunburned too.

****** I will have to add the pictures at another time because blogger is being a particularly mean spirited bitch today and tried to lose my post again.********

Pissed off

I had a whole post written up about my weekend at the lake and went to add a picture but then blogger froze up and closed down and lost the whole damn post. So I am now pissed off. I will maybe try to write the post again tomorrow. For now I give up.

Well it's about flipping time!

I finally got my satellite back. I have TeeeeeeeVeeeeeeee again!

Apparently when you phone Starchoice to have you service reconnected they must then approve your application through Satan. Cause seriously? We phoned on the fourth to have it done. I expected at least a week, but seriously, it's the 20th now. How busy does it get in one town? Does only one person in all of beer town do installations?

Thinking about it though, having no tv I sure got alot of work done around the house.

This Weekend in Conversations

We had our first visitors this weekend. And it was so much fun, despite the late nights and early mornings. They have two children, so it was an interesting change for me.

Riley(3yrs): "Where's Uncle?"
Me: "He's just in the bathroom right now. He won't be much longer."
Riley: "No. One time uncle was over at my house and I had to pee, and he was weally weally wong pooping, and so I had to go outside and pee on a twee."
Me: Laughing hysterically.

Scene: Bedroom. 5 am or so.
Hubby: "Are you going to do some laundry?"
Me: "Today? Yeah sure."
Hubby: "Right now. Go do a load of laundry."
Me: "Fuck you, I'm sleeping. I'll do a load once it's not 5am."
He claims to not remember saying this. I'm inclined to believe him due to his penchant for sleep talking nonsense.

Scene: Bedroom, looking for a pair of shorts to lend to Michelle. Hubby and Heath are making breakfast.

hubby: "Cindy, will you please come take my place in the kitchen. I can't share my kitchen with him."
Me: "No. Now go play nice with the other little boys and share the kitchen nicely."
He leaves the room dejectedly.
Michelle: "Did he REALLY just come up here to ask you that?"
Me: "Yeah, he knew I wouldn't though. He just likes for me to know what he's doing at all times and have my undivided attention."
Michelle: "He's worse than a kid."


Me: "Kyla, can I have the boat key back?"
Kyla(2): "No, I'm pwayin wif it."
Me: "Ok, but be real careful with it, because if we lose the boat key Uncle will get really mad at me."
Kyla to Adam: "Uncle, you be nice to Aunty Cinny, ok?"
Hubby: "Okay"
Kyla: "Cause I like her, she's nice. So you be nice."

Scene: Saturday night. 2am bedroom
Me: "If you can't lay still I will hit you."
Him squirming annoyingly. So I knee him in the butt as hard as I can.
Me: "Seriously, if you don't stop moving I'm gonna go sleep on the couch."
he continues to move all over the bed.
Me: "fine, you fucker. I give up. I need to sleep."
8am he wakes up.
Him: " Are you sleeping on the couch? Why? Hey, you took all the pillows, why would you do that?"
Me: "It was that or kill you. And you're lucky I never took the blanket too."
Him: "My ass hurts. I must've fell down last night."
Me: giggles to myself. "Yeah, that must've been it."


Scene: on the beach, everyone around.
Me: "Hey, idiot!"
Michelle: "You call him names alot. So much so that since we've been here I've called Heath and idiot at least twice."
Adam: It's ok, Ive come to accept it."
Me: "Well in my defense, when I call him his name he either doesn't hear me or if he does, he then thinks I'm mad at him because I've used his name."

This is how beautiful Sunday was. That is my boat over on the right. There was not a single cloud in the sky the whole day.

Also, I was going to post some pictures of the house but blogger took twenty minutes to load this picture, so I don't have the patience for it today.

He is growing a Soul

Last night, or rather yesterday the cat got out. Which somehow Hubby convinced me was okay because he figured that because the one other time he got out, he came back. So for some inexplicable reason, I went along with it. Until of course, it started to get dark.

So I started to worry.

He put in one of my movies to take my mind off it. So we watched Cheaper by the Dozen. Or tried to anyway. I kept walking outside to the deck and calling the cat.

After the movie he looks at me and says "I'm kinda worried too, the stupid little bastard has grown on me a little. Cause he hasn't been being a prick to me lately."

He and Thomas* are mortal enemies. They usually hate each other. Ever since we found him outside a bar one night, Tommy scratched up his speakers so hubby had him declawed and neutered. So they hate each other. Or rather he hates the cat. The cat ignores him now. He used to hiss and run away everytime he saw him.

Anyway, we went outside to search for Tommy. In the dark with the dogs because I am a big fat scaredy cat. We walked the full perimeter of our yard and then searched the sheds because you never know. Then just as we are about to head back, Jenny takes off running at full speed to the house. So I run after her because she may have seen a bear and was being smart.

What do I discover sitting there like he was there all along? Tommy.

The little bastard.


* Thomas is the name my mom gave to him when he came to live with her for a while, Thomas short for Thomas O'Malley, the Alley Cat. Get it? His original name given by me was Pumpkin because he was so small and his head was sooo big. Hubby named him Buster. The cat in question hates both the names we gave to him and will shoot you a dirty glare if you call him one.
Of course I came back. It's dirty out there ya know.

Weekend Project 06

So, Hi! I took Friday off, for no apparent reason. We actually never did go to the amusement park because "WE" decided that maybe "WE" should get some things done around the house.

Hardest part over MY ASS!!

Remember how I was so excited to stain all the wood in my house cherry to match my table? Somebody hit me next time I get ideas like that. I should know better, I went through the maniacal renovation phase leading up to my wedding at my parents house. I KNOW BETTER! Staining is bad. Very, very bad. And it gives you a wicked high that is a bitch to come down from. Proper ventilation is hard to accomplish when you can't let the cat out. Much to the cats chagrin.

Anyway this weekend I managed to finish the dining room walls. They are tongue and groove so it was really hard to do because I was working vertical. Thankfully I had a power sander, but seriously my back and shoulders are so sore I couldn't sleep last night. And when I did sleep i had weird stain induced dreams.

Anyway, I will post pictures of my Weekend Project 06 once I can find my cable to connect to the computer from my camera.

Also while "WE" were working on home renovations, one of us felt that playing with his new lawn mower was more important than sharing in the stain high. Bastard.

Confessions from the Middle of Nowhere

I am so covered in bruises I look like a junkie. Or that I have been beaten to within an inch of my life. Take your pick. Last count I had 15 bruises on my legs and at least 20 on my arms.

I really do LOVE my new house.

Except that we have to rip up the bathroom floor of our ensuite because as Hubby discovered he can put his finger through the floor beside the toilet. Plywood and all. Fun.

And we have to redo the ceiling in the main bathroom because there is moisture damage because the fan sucks ass.

BUT I am allowed to stain all the wood in the house cherry to match my precious precious table.

Which got wrecked in the move. There are scratches all over it because someones stupid stupid friends didn't care about maybe not wrecking all my stuff when we moved it into storage.

When I seen the damage I maybe cried a little. Or a lot. Whatever.

I hate, with the fury of a thousand suns, the bastard renters who were in this place before us. Apparently they decided that they, in fact, did not have to clean the house when they moved out. At least flush the damn toilets you PIGS!

Also, don't tell anyone, but dial up really isn't all that bad. Maybe its just that I am so happy to have computer access again.

I finally now have the tree house my dad promised me when I was four. Better late than never, I guess.

I am apparently not at Silverwood today because a certain lazy ass is still sleeping. So what that he worked all night, I want to go to an amusement park, dammit. Just Kidding. We'll go tomorrow.

Anyway I should maybe get off the computer now Who knows, maybe someone is trying to call me. By someone I mean my mom.

I'm Baaaaaaack!

Well I've learned something very interesting about Telus. When they say, "yes indeed we will give you phone connection on this day" what they really mean is "fuck you, we will tell you one thing and then actually do it 4 days after we said we would. And? Totally not give you internet. So you have to phone us 18 billion times to get everything actually working and make you want to cry while having to talk to one of those phone prompters that aren't really people, but sound creepily alot like one."

So, a big Fuck You! to Telus.

Ahem, Hi everyone. I'm back finally and may even possibly resume regular posting for you all. Now doesn't that sound absolutely like a treat? Well that's all you're getting. So suck it up.

I am possibly bitchy, and tired. I have too much stuff that I can't part with. And it is all a pain in the ass to move when certain relatives promise to come help you move and then show up a day and a half late, just in time to help you drink the 48 beer that are now all nice and chilled in the fridge.

So a big thanks for nothing to a certain relative who will remain nameless. (shakes fist in air)

I figure if a relationship can survive moving, it can survive anything. However if he says one more time "here's another box of your stupid crap" I swear I will throw out every single one of his tools and laugh while he cries. So there.

My dogs seem to be adjusting to their new house quite nicely. Well to be perfectly honest they are just happy to be inside a house and allowed couch privileges. However Caesar seems to think that the deck is a perfectly acceptable place to go to the bathroom. He's lucky I never stepped in it. Oh well I know something he doesn't (He's finally going to be neutered and I am thrilled.) Hahahahaha! Hopefully he will stop sniffing Jenny's butt incessantly, because her patience is wearing thin.

Anyway, tomorrow we will hopefully be going down to Silverwood theme park for the day, because being jobless, I have nothing better to do. But maybe not because Hubby is on his last night shift tonight so he may be tired. Hopefully not though, because I really want to go on some roller coasters.


Also? Spell check just asked if I wanted to replace Fuck with Fiji. Isn't that funny? No? Maybe I'm just computer deprived. Oh well, from now on I think I will replace saying Fuck with Fiji. Won't that be funny? Shut up, I think so.

Hello Again!

Well I am coming to you live from inside someones home. I have been unsuccessful at controlling my internet withdrawl symptoms. So I am sad to say I have broken into someones home and am using their internet. Unfortunately the house I have chosen has dial up, so this has been interesting for me.

Not much new here, except I am still homeless. Thankfully though not for much longer. Only it suck that we will be moving into our house on Canada Day.

Anyway, just thought I would let you guys know I am still alive and haven't forgot about you.

Gotta go someone just pulled into the driveway, hopefully there is a back door out of this place....













PS for those of you who don't know me, I never really broke into anyones house. But I had you going there for a minute didn't I?

So Long, Farewell...

Well this is my last post.






For two weeks anyway (scared you didn't I?). And when I finally come back to you all, it will be from the fiery depths of dial up hell. That's right, my new house is only capable of getting dial up. So I may just wind up breaking my computer in impatience. Maybe not though, because I won't have a job, so I will have nothing better to do than wait for a connection. This might make me have to finally learn patience. Or knitting. Which is on my list anyway.

Speaking of my list, guess what I bought on Saturday. A bow and arrow set. I got it at a garage sale. It is a longbow not a compound bow, so it is one inch shorter than me (I'm 5'7"). It came with a leather quiver (I just wanted to say quiver. It's a fun word), a bunch of arrows (like 50 of them), a leather arm protector (which by the way, you do need. Believe me I found out the hard way), and a finger protector glove. But that is too big for me so I will have to buy a smaller one. I was so excited when I saw it I didn't even dicker with the price I wanted it so bad. Hubby laughed at me. Which I expected, so whatever. My dad joked that I will be using hubby as target practice. Which made me laugh. (I say which alot don't I? Whatever)

And remeber how I bragged about having good luck? Remember also how I said I lost a diamond earring like two weeks ago? I found it on Saturday. (Saturday was a good day for me, better than Friday night anyway, damn bear) I was pretty excited because yay! Those were the only earrings I wore, so I have two again. Which means I will no longer look like a pirate with one earring. Only now I won't get newer, bigger ones. Yeah, like I was going to anyway.

So back to this whole no computer thing, I will also have no phone. Except for my cell phone. Which is funny cause it is still a Saskatchewan number. I think it's funny anyway. My dad doesn't so much when he gets the bill though... yes I'm spoiled. Shut up. If someone offered to pay for your phone you wouldn't say no either. I really only use it when travelling home anyway, so it's more for his peace of mind than anything. Anyway, back to the origional point in this paragraph (I keep getting off track today don't I?), I will be off the grid, unreachable. And I think I may just go into withdrawls. Weekends are hard enough when almost nobody updates. Can you imagine how I'll be after two weeks? All shaky and bitchy, wandering around looking for someone to lend their computer to me. "Come on man, I only need like 10 minutes, 20 tops. Please, I'll do whatever, just let me use your computer, man." Or however junkies actually sound.

So now that I've rambled on and on and on, I will say goodbye for now, see you again in two weeks. Please don't forget me. I will try to come back and update before July 1st when I return to civilization. Sorta. Dial up civilization. So keep coming back and checking, but I promise I will stop short of all out Junkie and will not break into houses to get my fix. I say that now, but we'll see how I am in a week...

Also, still leave me comments. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am a comment whore. So please, don't stop with the comments. And if me being gone for two weeks sends you into withdrawls (I can pretend someone cares enough) read the archives. Maybe that'll help.

Wildlife

Now with Further Edit, especially for Joyce, because she asked for it.

One of the things that scares me the most about living in the wilds of backwoods BC, is the wildlife.

I live right beside a mountain.(Obviously no snow right now)

About 1/2 km away is an empty bear cave. This fact scares the everliving crap out of me. Never knowing if one day late at night, coming home from work there will be a bear in my driveway. Or even a cougar. I have heard them crying in the distance, and in case you didn't know, a cougar cry sounds much like a baby crying. This is a very disconcerting thing.

I was out for a walk one day by the river, and could hear a baby crying, and there were no houses anywhere near where I was. I ran my out of shape butt home, damn near in tears, hoping I wouldn't trip and fall making my demise a certain thing. Cause I know my dogs would not stop to save me. I haven't been out for a walk by myself since. Which explains the shape I'm in. (Excuses, excuses)

A friend of mine was telling me that tonight her dad shot a bear in front of their house because it had come by the night before and made a mess of their yard. There were two of them, so there is still one out there. I don't live very far from her, so I was (am) scared. Because I would have no idea what to do if I saw a bear. Probably spend the night in my truck. I hope he gets the other one tonight because I won't be able to go out in my yard at night again.

Although I guess that isn't so bad since we are moving right away. But then, thinking about it, our new house is much farther away from town, and much more backwoodsy than this one. I guess I'll have to start practicing my shooting soon. And get a lisence to have a gun. So then I'll have one thing done off my list soon, out of necessity. But done is done.

Edit: OH MY GOD! SPEAK OF THE DEVIL, THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE YARD RIGHT NOW! MY DOGS ARE GOING WILD AND I CAN HEAR CRASHING IN THE YARD! SOMEONE HOLD ME! I'M HERE ALONE AS ADAM IS AT WORK ALL NIGHT! I WILL NOT BE SLEEPING WELL TONIGHT.

Futher Edit: Okay now in the light of day, I can in fact laugh at my wussiness. Yes it was a bear. No it didn't wreck anything. It could smell the garbage we have in our porch and was probably trying to get at that. I phoned Hubby and told him about the situation and he told me to let the dogs outside. I told him I didn't want my dogs dead, thank you very much. Stupid man. Anyway, the bear was there for about a half an hour just lumbering around. I'm not quite sure why I was so scared, it's not like the bear can open doors. I hope anyway. I will not be leaving my house at night ever again.

Hmmph!

So I am in a pissy mood this evening, and the cause of it may be one of many things (moving, drunk husband, or learning someone else is going to Europe) or it could even be a mixture of all of those things.

Yes it may seem silly to all of you out there that I am pissy because someone else gets to go to Europe, but that has been my dream from ever since I can remember. And it seems everyone else gets to go but me. I am happy for her, but also jealous. It's petty I know, but here we are anyway... (and she reads this, so Hi! I'm jealous, but I still heart you forever)

So this reminded me of this list I made when I was about 16 years old. It's of all the things I want to do before I die. So since that makes an easy post for me, I will share it with you. Yes I still have it and know exactly where it is. Shut up.

1. Go to England, Ireland, Scotland, France, Spain, Italy, Greece, Egypt, Turkey, Austria, Switzerland, Germany, Netherlands, Morocco, Jamaica, Mexico, Brazil, Russia, India, Australia. Preferably most of those in one trip. The ones in the same area anyway...
2.Learn Spanish
3.Learn French
4.Learn Sign Language
5.Get scuba certification
6.Parasail
7.Hang glide
8.White water raft
9.Learn to knit
10.Go to Mardi Gras in New Orleans
11.Write a book
12.Ride a steam train (I did that one actually, in Penticton two years ago. It was really hot.)
13.Learn to sail a boat.
14.Go on a cruise somewhere
15.Learn to shoot a bow and arrow (ok so I know how, but get good at it)
16.Get my gun safety lisence (I already know how to shoot, and I'm good)
17.Save someones life
18.Have someone buy my art (so I guess I'll have to start drawing again)
19.Learn to sew. (my little brother can sew better than me. And my sister)
20.Own a muscle car (I really want a new Challenger when they come out, but talking classic cars, probably a '68 Camaro RS SS. Rare, but I know someone who has it and I will convince him to sell it...)
21.Own a convertible. (I did own one, but I smashed a deer with it, so now I want a new Pontiac Solstice)
22.Learn to ride a horse (okay so I know how now, but I want to get good)
23.Own a friesian horse (very very expensive horse, but so so pretty.)
24.Make my own wine (not that I drink much but...)
25.Meet a movie star (preferrably Colin Farrell heehee ;))
26.Learn ballroom dancing
27.Learn to belly dance (it looks so fun)
28.Learn to Salsa dance (these are pretty funny considering I cannot even two step unless very very drunk)
29.Parachute from a plane (I think I would only be able to do this double, I'd be afraid of not pulling the chute on time)
30.Ride in an air balloon
31.Have a pen pal.
32.Read all the classic old novels (Moby dick, Pride and Prejudice, etc...)
33.Get married (Check)
34.Have kids (I think I would at least like to do all the travelling first)


So there you go, I had some interesting ideas on there (some removed due to impossibility like, be in a movie, be in a magazine, attend a major award show. I was quite the teen, I wanted to be famous), but most of them I'd still like to do. I think I'll need to do some major money saving to even think about checking off number one on the list. Or maybe win the lottery (I guess you have to play to win).

So I guess I'd better just go on dreaming, and living vicariously through other people. And hope they share pictures on their blog when they come back. Hint, Hint. Wink, Wink.

It's also a good thing I love my sister so much because if I didn't I would take the money I am saving for her wedding and disappear to London and board the next Contiki Trip for 46 days(ultimate european, yes I've researched trips) and cross almost all of those places of the list. But I guess at least I will be able to cross Jamaica off the list. Which isn't quite the same as going to 17 countries for almost the same price.

I was also going to bore you with all the things I want to do in those countries, but I figured, no one else cares and also, that would take so long. But just believe that I DO have a list, even though I could tell you off by heart all the places and things... so beware, one day I might share it with you.

Incompatabilities

It's a good thing there isn't some law out there that you says have to be able to work nicely with your spouse before you can get married. Because if there was I'd be single.

Hubby and I are trying to pack. We aren't getting very far because we keep fighting. He keeps trying to throw things out that don't need to be thrown out. Like my shoes. Or pots and pans. He thinks we have too many and couldn't I just part with some of them? GAAAAHHH!!! And he also would like for me to pack all my clothes up early and start living out of a suitcase right now, instead of come Sunday when my next days off are. This. Is. Not. Fun. I HATE moving. And since there is the great moving fiasco of 06 we basically get to do it twice. Double Fun!

Is it a bad thing that I comtemplated throwing a knife at him when he criticized my packing ability? Does it make it any less scary that I didn't seek the knives out, I was packing one when the impulse struck? Didn't think so. Oh well, I guess at least we don't work together often.

Also, do all guys expect women to be able to help them move a freezer as well as their friends do? He does. He also gets very upset when I drop heavy things on his fingers and nearly cut them off. So he says. Drama Queen. I keep telling him to not make me carry heavy stuff.

Am I Supposed to Care?

Why do all the drunk people seem to think I want to hear about all their problems? I'm just here to sell you your booze. Take it and leave. Maybe tip me too. Tipping is nice. But don't come in here and tell me your wife has just put a restraining order on you and you can't go into your home for a year. Because that? Makes me think you are a very bad person. And uncomfortable in a store alone with you late at night. Maybe I should be taking boxing lessons or something. Or just bring a bat to work.

I also, in a completely unrelated topic, wrote four exams today for my schooling. The class is over on the 7th and I hadn't wrote a single test. So I figured I'd do them all today. Smart right? The word you are looking for is procrastinator. Yes I know. Lowest score was 73%, highest was 84%, which will have to do. Last week I also wrote four exams for my medical terminology course (what's with me and four exams at once?)and didn't do too horribly either. Okay so I am lying and my lowest score on one was 68% but my highest was 89%, so I feel good-ish about that. Probably would've done better if I had written one every week instead of 4 a month, but live and learn I guess.

Did you know Rhinorrhea is a medical name for runny nose? I have been messing with the locals here and telling them that's what I have (I have a cold) and they all look at me like I'm dying. I get pretty good tips when people think I'm dying. And they're less likely to stay and bore me to death with their problems. Which is a good thing. (Medical dictionary's with pictures are fun, BTW)

I was going to post a picture, but stupid blogger won't let me. Stupid thing. My computer keeps telling me it can't find server whenever I try to send information, so I keep having to send it over again, not knowing if it worked the first time. So long story short, no picture this time. I know, you're all so disappointed. Try not to cry.

Priorities

You can definitely tell where your seperate priorities as a couple lay when you walk into a store like Sears. Like say for instance:

He thinks $1500 for a riding lawn mower is perfectly acceptable, while however for a stainless steel side by side fridge, $1500 is just way too much. How is it that something you will use honestly twice a month is more important than a fridge you will use everyday until it dies?

OR

$300 for a chainsaw, but that's too much for a stainless steel dishwasher? Obviously he doesn't do the dishes. And how often does one really use a chainsaw? I wash the dishes every 2 days, when it is full. (we use alot of cups)

OR

$3,000 for a dirt bike is just fine, but for a pillow top king size bed? Nah, cause it's not like we sleep on it every night or something.

OR

With the extra money we have he'd rather build a garage instead of new laminate flooring or saving it towards the $5000 we will need to go to jamaica for my sisters wedding. I think he doubts that I will sell every single one of his toys to pay for our trip if we don't have the money. Which currently we don't because someone feels we NEED a garage so the boat doesn't get wet. (Anyone have $5000 dollars laying around we can borrow? No? Anyone want a used dirtbike? Boat? Skidoo? just kidding. I'm not quite ready to sell it all yet.)

Men are from Mars Women are from Venus? Nah, men are from the land of toys and tools, women are from the land of practicality and common sense.* Maybe it's the same thing. What do I know, I've never read that book.

*this coming from the girl who has 6 boxes of shoes packed up in her living room. And about 20 black garbage bags of clothes. Yes, that's how I pack clothes up. Don't call me white trash. It's the easiest way. Shut up, it is too.

Lucky? I think not.

Generally speaking I have good luck. I can talk my way out of almost any ticket. And nothing too bad usually happens to me. However, Hubby has the worst luck. Everything bad happens to him. 4 Speeding tickets in one month, crashing my car into a mountain, his family... But speaking philosophically here, shouldn't my luck cancel his out? I mean my luck versus his, we should break even.

Unfortunatley that is not the case. We just found out yesterday, we don't get the fridge with the house. AND the washing machine doesn't work. So two new expenses that we will have to somehow manage to find a way to pay for. Because it's not like we can go without these things. Which sucks. Especially since I am going to be without a job soon.

I think I may just decide to pick fruit for the summer. Apparently they make pretty good money. And I'll get a pretty awesome tan too.

But back to my point, I think Hubby may just have a nervous breakdown. Because he cannot handle stress very well.

Also this is a picture of my pond at our new house. Not sure how I missed it the first time, but I did. Those rocks come up to my waist. Needs some work, but it should turn out very pretty.

Shut up. I can't figure out how to turn the picture. Just tilt your heads.

PS Movie Quote was from She's All That. You know, Freddie Prinze Jr., Rachel Leigh Cook. From 1999? Whatever. It's a cute movie. Shut up. It is too.

Serious? As A Heart Attack.*

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Does anyone still come here anymore?

(emptiness echoes)

Didn't think so. I've been busy,ummm packing. Yeah that's right. I've been packing. Not just being really lazy. Packing.

I had a very fun weekend. Okay so it was really just Friday night, but whatever.

We went out for dinner, bowling and a movie with a couple friends of ours. (Actually it's the people we will be staying with.) Sooo much fun. We had dinner at Joey's Only. Which was ok. I'm not a huge fan of seafood, but I was outnumbered.

The movie we went to was The Da Vinci Code. It was pretty good. I didn't really like that they changed some stuff from the book, but overall, I liked it. Kinda long though. Maybe just cause I had to pee really badly.

The best part of the evening however, was the glow in the dark bowling. Did you know that a white bra will show through a purple shirt in those places? I do now. For those of you who don't know my husband, he has this thing where he is really good at almost everything he does. It's really annoying. Bowling is not my sport (well sports aren't really my thing.) I was doing actually pretty good (for me) until about the fourth frame where upon I pulled a muscle in my ass. Don't ask me how, cause I don't know, but it happens everytime I bowl. So then my game went to shit. Hubby took this very personally and started to get VERY serious. Shouting things at me like "come on, put some effort into it" or "just line it up with the arrows" and "try a little bit would ya".

People often think I am making it up when I tell them how upset me doing bad at things makes him. Our friends seen for the first time how serious he gets with me sucking at games or sports.

And boy did we make fun of him after that. Everytime he got, say, a spare instead of a strike we would yell out "come on put some effort into it" or heaven forbid he not strike anything down then I got to pull out the "You know honey, it really disappoints me when you don't even TRY to do good." At one point I was nearly crying on the floor with laughter because he was SO serious. Poor guy.

PS My ass still hurts. I must be really out of shape.

* Bonus point to anyone who can pinpoint what movie the title of this post is from. (Bonus points do not really do anything. Correct guess winner will have the 'privilege' of me mentioning their name in my next post. Whenever that may be)

Edited to add: Comment people. I am a comment whore, and feel unappreciated when nobody comments. So, please, say something. Please?

Homeless...

We are going to be homeless for 15 days. How horrible is that? With two big dogs and a stupid bad cat.

We will be homeless due to the fact that the people who bought our house take possession on June 15th. We do not get possession of our new house until July 1st. Because they fucked us around. Bastards.

So we will be staying with our friends and their two kids. Which should be fun. I love their kids, who are 3 and 2. Also referred to as the cutest little kids ever. Don't tell my sister in law I said that. I don't know how well Hubby will deal... kids are scared of him usually. Actually we will be sleeping in their camper in their yard so as to not impose too much.

I hate having to ask this of them. I hate having to ask anything of almost anyone. Makes me feel bad. But there is nothing we can do about it because we won't be able to afford to stay in a motel. Or find one that takes so many animals. I guess this is what friends are supposed to do though, and they offered so....I wish I had family who lived nearer, then I would for sure without a doubt impose. But alas, they all live far away.

We get to put all of our stuff in storage for 15 days and will have to pay for storage for the whole month. I hope no mice live in those storage places because I would cry if anything happened to my furniture.

Anyway, feel for the poor homeless girl, whose new house only gets dial-up internet. I cry when I think of it.

Oh the Insanity

It's things like this that make me shake my head in confusion about the town where I live.

Earlier I was in "town" renting a movie and this girl I know who works next door to me says "You wanna come see my goat?"

I'm thinking 'I hope this isn't a euphemism.' but respond with "Sure"

So we leave the video store to go to her truck, she opens the door and standing on the seat is the cutest baby goat ever. I am immediately in love with this lovely little thing. I pick her up and walk back into the video store to show Hubby. Nobody even takes a second look to see the crazy girl who is holding a GOAT for christ sake. The thing is bleating like crazy and still nothing. Nobody even says to get that thing out of this store, it's not a barn you know. And really I was expecting it. I would've deserved it. It is a goat afterall.

Her name is Cricket.

Now I want a mini goat. HE says no. Spoilsport.

I wish I had a camera with me, because certain people don't truly believe that my town is that backwoods. Seriously, I am not making this shit up. But you can't make shit like this up. It's not possible.

Summer's Here

So this is what I do when I get bored or it's really close to summer. Sunday night my last night with Marie she looks to me and says "We should put some blonde highlights in your hair. It would look really good with the red." (which had really faded to a strawberry color.) I'm like sure why not. Hubby will love it. (he claims to be only attracted to blondes. Which is funny because I was his first blonde girlfriend)

WARNING! these are bad pictures. It was 11pm and I was wearing no makeup. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Anyway, before we 'played' with my hair(it was supposed to only be highlights only we put too many in so its pretty much all blonde.):

After:
Needless to say Hubby was pretty happy to have his blonde wife back. Now maybe he will let me dye his hair back to black. We don't both need to have blonde hair.

Which do you guys think looks better? Let me know. I like knowing other peoples opinions. Even if I don't know you.

Sheltered Life

Hi! I'm not dead. But I have been having such a blast in calgary, went wedding dress shopping with my sister today and it was so much fun, we even picked out her dress after two shops. And friday night marie and I went shopping for three hours. And then we went to a party and her fiancee whacked me in the nose in front of a room of people I had never met before. It was an accident of course, but there i am standing there trying not to cry and the more times Zak asks are you ok the harder it is not to cry.

BUT the funnest part about my trip so far has been going out to lunch with fellow blogger Rebecca Eckler. (heehee I'm name dropping, look how cool I am) We met downtown for lunch, so of course I had to take a cab because hubby gave me explicit instructions not to drive the truck anywhere after I got to marie's (which is big talk coming from the guy who smashed my car into a mountain). I had never been in a cab before in mylife. Yes I know, who hasn't but seriously, me. so I had to ask my big sister what the protocol was for seating. Do you really sit in the back? her response was "well I do, they usually smell, so you don't want to sit too close to them" (yes I used a stereotype, what of it?) Anyway, my cab driver was very nice and not at all a scary driver, it was quite pleasant until he started discussing president Bush and the war on Iraq. He was from Iraq, so i didn't know what to say. However I did agree that the only reason he is there is because of the oil (WOMD my ass, but anyway, I'm not political, so no I don't want to know what you think of my opinions on it), and then four firetrucks screamed by us to go to a fire (duh!) and it was interesting to see all the drivers in the cars going where the fuck do I go? And then my first ever cab ride ended and I headed off to lunch to meet Rebecca.

I was so nervous, I spent hours getting ready and changed my clothes like 14 times that morning. I even curled my hair and thats a big deal coming from such a pony tail girl. I'm a loser I know.

Lunch was awesome, i swear she must think that my in-laws are all certifiable (they are) and the town that I live in belongs in the backwoods of the deep south (ooh look! another stereotype. I'm on a roll tonight). i secretly call my town Salabamma. Shh! though don't tell them. I had so much fun I didn't want the lunch to end. I was having so much fun talking that I barely even touched my food. Once we finally ordered that is. Not that I could've ate anyway I was so nervous/excited.

After lunch i had to walk to my sisters work so we could go shopping. It was like 30 blocks away. I was wearing high heeled thongs and so by the time i finally found her work (I forgot what she said the address was) I had blisters that were so big they could've been another set of feet. But it was all worthwhile because I got told I was hot by some guy in a truck. I'm easily impressed.

and then the second of my oh my god I'm sheltered moments was taking the bus home with my sister. I had never been on a bus before. Nothing exciting or interesting happened except i got to pull the cord to make the bus stop at the next stop. I was pretty excited and Marie called me a loser. Which was fine, she does that alot.

So for the shopping because I know you are all dying to hear what I bought. 4 yes thats four new bathing suits bringing the count up to 28, a pair of sailor stlye pants that hubby will make fun of, a sweater shirt, a tshirt, a cowboy hat for in jamaica, and a tank top. By the time we were done my feet hurt so badly I could hardly walk(yes I had changed out of the flip flops). I complained so much Hubby gave me PERMISSION to buy new shoes. So after dress shopping today we did. White and blue Etnies, but i wasn't sure of the whiteness of the shoes because oh my god when they get dirty... but they were comfy and looked cute on so I bought them.


Anyway that's all I got for now, so I will probably post again on tuesday. Monday I will be driving all day then working at night, so i will be busy. but maybe i will post on Monday, keep all five of my readers on their toes. Maybe not though, so you'll just have to check and find out.

PS If the spelling in this post is bad it is not my fault, Marie's keyboard blows. Stupid Mac. Remind me never to get one.