Wood Heat Misery

This new house has a woodstove, and that is our main source of heat. I cannot take it anymore. There apparently is no middle ground where you are not boiling to death as though you were standing on the surface of the sun. Either the heat is on and you are dying, or it is off and you are freezing to death. Either way you are dead. Or wish you were.

Saying that I am too hot is a big step for me. In our last house Hubby was the Heat Nazi. If you could feel blood circulating, chances are that he would come in and yell at me for it being too hot. People would come over and leave their kids in their winter jackets because it was soooo cold.

I don't know if it is because I am pregnant and have extra blood, enough to bring my circulation to my feet anyway, or if it really is just that hot in here. Hubby keeps getting mad at me because I keep letting the fire go out, but I cannot take it.

Also that is why I don't post so much anymore because the computer is up in the loft and seriously, it is hotter than the surface of the sun up there. And there is nothing that can be done to cool it off up there.

Anyway, I am gonna go try and kill the fire now.

Out of Hand

These hormones are killing me. Seriously. At this point it's not even funny anymore. Despite the fact that hubby thinks it's cute.

We (okay, I) was watching Jersey Girl on the weekend. Ya know the movie with Ben Affleck and J.Lo, the one where she dies? Anyway in case you haven't seen it, she dies while giving birth to her baby. I was BAWLING like a little baby.

Because she died. While giving birth. Any other time I would be very happy that J.Lo died in a movie. But she died while having her baby. So I was an emotional wreck.

(Hubby was laughing his ass off in the kitchen while making bannock, which in truth, makes me laugh.)

But seriously, I cried when J.Lo died. What is wrong with me? There has to be some way to control this hormone rollercoaster I am on. Cause I enjoy being able to be happy when J.Lo dies.

Hi!

Long time no speak, huh? This time it was not my fault and I was not just being lazy. I went away last thursday to asscrap village to help my friend who was putting on a psychic fair. I came back monday afternoon to find out that he broke the keyboard. He spilled an entire glass of sprite and vodka on it. It didn't appreciate that so much and shorted out.

So I have been out of a computer for about a week. I was going batshit crazy. Not fun. Anyway...

I had an ultrasound today. The baby was hiding behind my belly button. And also refused to wake up. I am apparently going to have a lazy baby. I kinda hope it sleeps alot. I was poking my stomach trying to wake it up and she was pushing with the ultrasound wand much harder than a woman with a very full bladder appreciates. It did look like the baby was sucking its thumb though. It was pretty awesome to see.

Although it was pretty awesome to pee afterwards too.

Stink Stank Stunk!

Poor poor Jenny.

I don't know if I told you guys this. We have a skunk. No not as a pet, but as a very unwelcome and unwanted bastard who lives under our porch.

In case you haven't guessed by now, Jenny got sprayed. In the face. Let me say that again for you. In. The. Face.

Right before bed. Someone went outside for one last smoke before bed and took the dogs out. Big Mistake.

She was foaming at the mouth and not happy at all about it. Thankfully it never got Ceasar. But still. We had to give her a bath outside with the hose and tomato soup. which does work by the way.

And unfortunately today the whole house stunk like rancid. So I spent most of the day outside because of course it didnt still stink outside. Man that little bastard Pepe LaPew is going down.

We bought traps and are going to catch him. And kill him. Shut up. I don't want to hear it from anyone. Unless you have been through all this before you have no idea how horrible it is.

Stink-Stank-Stunk!

Poor poor Jenny.

I don't know if I told you guys this yet. We have a skunk. No, not as a pet. This little bastard lives under our deck. Unwanted, and very unwelcome.

If you haven't figured it out by now, Jenny got sprayed by our little Pepe La Pew.

In her face. It's 10:30 at night. We were planning on going to bed just now, but Someone needed to have another smoke before bed. He took the dogs out with him. Big Mistake.

Seriously, she's foaming from the mouth. Sprayed. In the face.

The smell is unbearable. All the doors and windows in the house were closed and the smell is still so unbeleivable that I want to vomit. It burns my eyes, and brings up the gag reflex.

Poor hubby is giving her a bath outside. He stinks too from touching her. We will most likely have to throw out his clothes. OF COURSE he's wearing good newer unripped jeans. Because of course he couldn't have been wearing old clothes. That would be too easy. Simple even.

Pepe is so going down. I want him shot. Does anybody have the number of Elmer Fudd? Normally I would've been against the shooting of a "harmless" animal but this little bastard has ruined enough evenings and early mornings with his stench. I no longer care wether he lives or dies. I would prefer he dies at this point. And I don't want to hear from anyone "how can you kill such a harmless peaceful creature?" or "There are many easier nonlethal ways to get rid of a pest. Try them" Unless you have ever had to deal with this, shut up. I can be as liberal, hippy and tree hugging as the next person, but I have had it. Seriously, I will shoot the little fucker myself.

Okay I need to go into my bedroom now, the only room in the house where you can't smell the unbeleivable stench of rancid.

WTF?????!!!!

So I just got off the phone with my mom, and something just makes sense now.

I was REALLY pissed off about the Grey's Anatomy premiere. I was thinking to myself that they had REALLY lost their mojo for season three, and what a crappy way to leave us hanging for what the hell happened to Izzie hours after Denny died?

I was VERY upset that my favourite show had dropped the ball.

Apparently CTV aired the second episode. Now it all makes sense. But now I have to wait until next thursday to see the episode that I had waited all summer to see. VERY disappointed.

If I had known that CTV aired the wrong episode I would've watched it on ABC later on. Nobody had better tell me what really happened on the premiere or I will be really mad.

Are your parents home?

One of my neighbors stopped by last night to inform me what was going on between her and one of the other neighbors. This guy is trying to take away everyones irrigation rights if they have a well. Fun.

But anyway, she started off on the wrong foot by when I answered the door asking "Are your parents home?"

"Uummm, actually this is my house."

"Oh, you look too young."

I guess I can't get too upset because I use that line whenever telemarketers call or salespeople stop by the house. It just annoys me when people assume things like that.

Maybe I should be grateful that when I get older people will still think I'm younger than I am.

Heehee, she must've thought I was a pregnant teen. Or I guess just a fat one.

Tic Tac's Doctors Appointment*

So I had my second doctors appointment on tuesday.

It went......ok I guess.

I had my internal exam. That was uncomfortable. Or I guess the word is embarassing. Especially since this was the first time I had met this woman.

She is a very good Doctor. And well she should be, since Beer Town has the highest rate of births per capita in Canada. Due to the polygamist group nearby.

I got to hear the heartbeat. 160bpm, which is supposed to be exactly what it should be. I was so excited to hear it, although disappointed to not get an ultrasound. Which I don't get until around the 20th week. Hubby was really disappointed to have to be at work, so he couldn't hear it too. Oh well.

But what really disappointing me was to learn that I had gained three pounds since my previous appointment. Which yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be gaining weight. But the chart she had up in her office said that average/optimal weight gain in first trimester is 1-2 lbs. I know, it's not that much, but it is still above what the chart says I should. Then when I asked the nurse if that was normal she shrugged and said I don't know. What kinda support is that? Then she said in a condescending tone "Well you'd better get used to it. There's more of that to come." Yes. Thank you. I know, but do I really look like I want to hear that right now? I was already self conscious about my weight to begin with. Now, I know I have to gain weight for the baby, but seriously, do I have to be happy about it? I think not. And you can't make me.



* Tic Tac is our pet nickname for the baby. It came about one day shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I said to Hubby that he had to go into town to get me a blizzard from DQ because the baby wanted it. He looked at me and said "The baby is the size of a tic tac, he doesn't crave anything." From then on, we have called her Tic Tac.

Two steps forward, 6 steps back

Or why I hate my house.

So last week I think I forgot I had a blog. OR maybe I was just busy doing this: That's right folks, we got rid of that old stinky stained and burned carpet. We put in laminate. We compromised on the color, I wanted maple, he wanted an oak color so we got a birch. So in other words neither of us got what we wanted.

It was an interesting learning experience. Once we got the hang of it though, it was a breeze. And I only had the urge for the first twenty minutes to throw a hammer at his head. He kept yelling at me for doing things wrong when they weren't my fault. I'm not saying it was his fault (yes I am) but it sure as hell wasn't mine. This took us two whole nights because we are lazy asses.

Friday night we were sitting on our couch, congratulating each other on a job well done, when he turns to me and says "Are you doing laundry?" Normally, I would think he was being an asshole when saying that; insinuating that I should be doing laundry, unfortunately I could hear water running too. "No, I'm not" then in unison from the two of us "FUCK" as we run towards the sound of the water.

A pipe burst in between the floors. Water was gushing everyewhere into our laundry closet. Hectic things happened, the water got shut off, and pressure drained until finally we had the problem under control. When we relaxed (ha) enough we realized that water was leaking through the ceiling drywall seams into the dining room (MY TABLE!!!) all over the floor. So we cleaned it up. As best we could considering the ceiling was still leaking.

Oh by the way, notice the walls in the dining room? That was weekend project 06. There is your picture. Finally. Don't notice that the trim isn't done, because eventually we are getting better trim. So I felt there was no point in staining that stuff.

I was going to post a picture of the living room finished, but blogger decided that I am not allowed to. So take it up with him. (you just know blogger is a man because he is a tempramental bitch)

Also last wednesday I went to the dentist (thank you very much, asshole) they did a cleaning and the bastard made my gums bleed everywhere. But at least I didn't pass out.

The Fire/ Moonyass Incident

Okay, so I gather that everone is getting bored with my stories from Saskatchewan. So this will be my last. Cause these are really the only two that are SUPER funny. I have put them together because they happened on the same night to the same person. And of course that person is my husband.

So again, they had been drinking for like three days straight, all day. We are all just sitting around the fire talking about how cool our $400 dollars worth of fireworks were.

Next thing I know, he starts swaying on his feet and kinda nosedives into Zak's crotchal area, Zak pushes him away and he goes falling backwards into the fire.

And kinda just lays there. Looking around. He has the look on his face of a little kid who has fallen and doesn't know how to react wether to cry or to get up and run away continuing to play.

Anyway, he starts like yelling, "Get me out, get me out!" Zak decides to try and pull him out but looks like he is about to fall in after him. So my mom runs to the rescue and safely pulls him out.

All he got was a slight burn on the side of his hand. Of course he can't feel it because he's so drunk. Which I guess is a good thing.

So shortly after this I decide I've had enough "excitement" and head to bed so I can get a good night's sleep, before he comes into the trailer and ruins my sleep. Unfortunately he decides he should sleep too, so comes in about five minutes after me.

Which I guess was fine, he passed out rather quickly.

Problems started a couple hours later when he woke up, and I could tell he had to pee.

I could tell because he pulled his pants down, but then passed out again with his butt (bare) up in the air. Being the good wife that I am, I try to pull his pants up, hoping he will just sleep through the night.

No such luck. He starts thrashing around again, and kicks my pillow off the bed. So, I sit up and move out of his way. He lumbers off the bed and starts trying to undo his shorts again. So I start repeating his name gradually louder and louder each time, to no avail. I was really worried about getting his attention because he was aimed at my clothes.

So I hit his arm and screamed "ASS!"

"What ta fuck do youuuuu want?" He yells back

"what are you doing?"

"I haff ta pee." And continues with his pants.

"well, maybe you should go to the BATHROOM then." He storms outside. And I think pees on the keg. He starts screaming for the dogs, because he thinks they are outside. I'm worried that he's gonna wake everyone up, so I tell him to shut the fuck up, the dogs are already in the camper.

He doesn't believe me and continues to yell for the dogs. So Jenny decides to get up and see what his problem is. She trots out of the camper (past him) and he sees her standing over by the fire pit.

"Come on Jemy, lees go ta bed. I told you see wasss ouside"

I shake my head, and lead them back to bed. I spent a really uncomfortable night squished between him, Jenny and the wall.

It was really fun telling him what he did that night. And he wouldn't have believed me except my mom heard him outside yelling for the dogs, so I had collaboration.

I am in Haaaaaate!

So today I received a phone call today from the hospital.

(oh my god! Somethings wrong with my blood tests. What's wrong with me? What could be wrong? Am I going to miscarry? What will I tell hubby? He'll be so upset. I think I'm gonna cry. Or scream. Gaaaaaa!) (I also thought this all in the two seconds that the phone had it's first ring, before I picked it up.)

Hello?

Hi! Is this Cynthia?

Yes.

Hi! This is bitchface from the lab at the hospital. There is a problem with your blood for the tests. We need you to come in again.

Okay(stay calm). What is the problem?

Oh, well, um, on the way to being tested in Vancouver, some of your vials broke, so we need more of your blood.

OH. Okay, I'll be in as soon as I can then. (hangs up the phone and takes a big calming breath)

Why the fuck is it that they always screw up taking blood from the person who is soooo not okay with giving blood? Why does this have to be my luck? Why me?

The Boating Incident

I can't exactly tell you this story as though I was there because unfortunately I was not on the boat. I wish I were.

The three stooges (Dad, Idiot, and Zak) had all been drinking. Since they got up in the morning. And at this point it is about 4 in the afternoon. Marie and I went with them to dock the boat so we could drive the truck back to our side of the lake. Watching them trying to unload the boat was really really funny. They had forgot that there were tie downs on the back end of the boat and it took them all about 10 mins to figure out WHY the boat wasn't coming off the trailer. So we left them at that, and drove back to our land.

About a half an hour later the guys come up to our site. They had been chasing seagulls in the boat. At this point it bears mentioning that my parents have a seadoo jet boat, with twin 80hp engines, so chasing seagulls is easy. As long as you don't quit paying attention for even a split second. Because as Zak learned, you can and will be thrown from the boat. Even if you are kinda holding on withone arm, it won't be enough. Apparently the other two turned their heads only to see Zak flying ass over tea kettle into the water. He managed to save his hat, but forgot completely about his 150$ sunglasses. Lake 1 Zak 0.

Later on Zak and Marie went out on the seadoo and he lost his hat this time. Lake 2 Zak 0. Sometimes men never learn.

After these incidents he decided to not make fun of my dad's insistence upon wearing a life jacket (especially since he can't swim). And also to never quit paying attention in a boat that has a cord attached to the key so if the driver is thrown out, the boat engines are killled.

The Groping Incident

So we are out at the lake and the keg has been cracked and Hubby has been drinking since about noon. It is now about 10 pm. Roughly. Sarah is there to visit along with her boyfriend Ray.

I get up to go to the bathroom and come back to see that Sarah is sitting in my seat. Whatever, no big deal. Mine was warmer because it was closer to the fire but that's fine I was hot anyway. So I sit down in her seat.

About five minutes passes and hubby gets up to stumble around the campsite a bit. I think nothing of it, and truth be told, was kinda spacing out. Next thing I know, I hear this panicked voice coming from Sarah, "What is he doing?????" I look over to see him leaning over the back of what was my seat, and hugging her from behind. The funny part is that not only is she whacking him with a stick from the ground, but Ray hasn't even said a word about him molesting his girlfriend. We are all staring. I am laughing like I'm high.

Eventually he realizes that this woman doesn't feel like me ( I wonder what gave it away, maybe the fact that she was pulling away from him)and he pulls away. Absolutely mortified, he couldn't even look at her. And kept apologizing profusely for the next twenty minutes.

For some reason Ray assumed he was just grabbing her from behind to pull her backwards off her chair. Which wouldn't have been very nice.

All I could say was at least he didn't GRAB her boobs. Although the extra handful (bitch) would've clued him in alot quicker.

First Pre-Natal Appointment

I had my first prenatal appointment today. It went ok, I guess. The doctor who is standing in for my real doctor is kind of incompetent.

You see, I have a heart murmur. I have since I was born. She couldn't find it. Like at all. And then looked at me like I was just making shit up. So whatever, she made a note of it in my chart but kinda didn't really believe me. And she is from New Zealand, so I also couldn't really understand what she was saying to me.

Afterwards, she hands me the form that I need to go to the hospitol to get my bloodwork done. As we've learned in the past, I don't do needles very well. So after waiting in the waiting room for like a half an hour, when finally called in for the bloodwork I tell the lady that I am a fainter. And my veins blow up very easily. So she uses a small needle, but I'll get to that. She is asking me all sorts of questions for the forms she has to fill out and our conversation goes something like this:

Her: So, the babies fathers last name?

Me: Same as mine. Then I spell it for her

Her: Oh, gives me real funny look and pauses uncomfortably, well that's unusual these days. Doesn't happen so much. Another funny look like I'm lying

Me: Well I guess that's what happens when you get married.


Seriously, the bitch. Just because I'm young that must mean I'm just sleeping around. I bet she would've never said that to someone even 5 years older than me.

So I came back from my appointment glad that the doctor I seen wasn't really my doctor and also wanting to punch the lab tech. Not looking forward to having to go back every month to see miss opinionated.

Back Home

So we are back now. It feels good to be home. Not that I didn't enjoy the trip, but after a certain amount of time you just want to go home.

There are many stories I want to tell, but each is so funny they deserve their own post. But needless to say, once the keg was bought, that's when all the funny things started to happen. Like the fire incident, the groping incident, the boating incidents and of course the funniest one of all the moonyass incident. Each will come at their own time. And having been sober the whole time I remember each incident without the fog of beer. Dammit.

Marie and I didn't really see eye to eye very well this trip down, mostly because I refused to put up with her bullshit. For once. It seems lately I won't just walk away from a fight. But her telling me I was not really feeling sick, just playing the pregnancy card was really starting to get on my nerves. And Hubby's too, cause when I got really mad he was the one to hear it.

Anyway, that's all for now. Hope you guys didn't miss me too badly.

Oh, have you been waiting?

Did I promise an update with an announcement?

Did I say I would do it right away?

Oh, I did? I meant whenever I felt like it.

I've been busy lately what with the visiting and all. And meeting my new neice. She is beautiful. Although, all babies kinda look alike to me.

Umm have you guys been waiting for this announcement? No, I haven't really been all that subtle about it if you know what I'm talking about, you could probably guess it.

Anyway, just so Sarah can stop checking every ten minutes to see if it's official yet (she has work to do) ...









I'm pregnant.


No Marie didn't freak out as much as I thought she would. There were no tears, or yelling. My dad however decided that he's not ready to be a grandpa, so he needed to have a drink.

My mom claims she knew. I'm not sure about that. But I'll give it to her.

Janet (my MIL) said congrats but didn't really sound all that convincing. Whatever.

So that's my big news.

In which they sink to a new low.

I was so looking forward to going home to Saskatchewan today. Don't worry, I am still going (once the car is fixed) (what doesn't your car break down every time you want to go somewhere?) (mine do), I just am not as excited about it.

I received a phone call yesterday from my four year old neice because her mother didn't feel like talking to me to tell me that their trip down to Saskatchewan was ok. Do you know what she said to me?

"I hear your stupid. That's ok I like you anyway.'

That's right, that's exactly what she said. While I could hear her mother and grandmother laugh in the background. Real classy huh? Involving the four year old in making my life hell. Needless to day, I was very hurt and upset. Also very pissed off. Although Hubby was alot more angry than I was. Especially considering that when I asked her to put her mom on the line they hung up the phone. HUNG UP THE PHONE!

So, I think I will pass on going over to visit them. And I will have nothing to do with the telling of our announcement to them. Fuckers.

I am really excited for the fireworks that I bought though.

Oh also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAN! Hahahaa you're 22 now! You're OLD. Love ya!

Maybe we should just stay home

On the weekend we went out boating with the people who used to rent our house. It was really fun. We brought along our propane bbq because we were told that there were fire bans. Although, while out on the middle of the lake Hubby realized that he had forgot to bring the propane tank. Ooops, looks like we will be starting a fire. Then on the way back across the lake at the end of the day, we ran out of gas. That's right, in the middle of the lake. So he and the other guy were rowing. Unsuccessfully I might add, because we were going in circles. I was getting annoyed as it was getting dark and I was hungry. So I pulled out the whistle from our boat safety kit and whistled like our boat was going down. Eventually someone came and got us, so we were pulled to safety. Which is a good thing because one of the oars broke in the harbour.

Then while driving home we watched a guy on a bike hit a baby black bear (one of 3 on the road) and wipe out. So we stopped and he was okay. So was the bear I might add, he ran away into the bushes.

So that was my weekend. Kinda funny, I think those two people who were with us think we are cursed with extremely bad luck.

Okay, So I May Be a Little Lazy Lately

Sorry, that post was up for waaaay longer than absolutely necessary. We had company come to visit from Saskatchewan. We had fun. Booze was consumed by everyone else. Someone had to be sober enough to drive.

So anyway, that's my excuse. And also on Wednesday I went to C-town to write some tests from my class. Remember those tests I wrote about mmmm a month ago? These were the first ones I have written since then. I THOUGHT I had done alright, but it turned out that I didn't do quite as well as I thought. So now I have to get almost a hundred percent on the last six tests. That I get to write on Tuesday. So my long weekend will be spent studying. Incessantly.

I am getting so excited to be going home in a little over a week. I haven't been home since mothers day 05. I miss it. A little part of me will always think of NB as home.

I bought $170 worth of fireworks for that weekend. Big ones. Fun ones. Fireworks that will blow your mind. As you can tell I am very very excited for that.

Also stay tuned for an upcoming announcement. This will be posted from Saskatchewan.

Warning! This may be too much information

"Cindy, will you give me head?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"My nose is plugged."

"I'll give you a straw..."